theUNFAITHFULme

LOVE WARRANTY

2006-11-28T23:20:00.000+08:00

what can i do to let you feel/see the overwhelming love i have for you ?

what can i do so tha you can have 100% assurance and confidence ?

i believe that our love is strong...
and nothing can come between us.
but it doesnt seem to be like that for you...
why is that so ?
i know the over-friendliness of others might cause ur thoughts to run wild.
but i want you to be my confident baby.
no one can ever replace you...
now that you've walked into my life,
it wont be easy for you to make a U-turn.
I INSIST !!

SIGHS.
something seems to be daunting you.
but i just cannot explain what it is.
perhaps...
it's just the wound that i've inflicted on you once.
though everything seems to be going smoothly,
the wound might have been infected...
causing you a relapse now...
SIGHS.

i dont care whether the problem lies with others, you or me...
what i'm bothered about...
is only how i'm supposed to make you feel as loved as possible.
i wanna make you go flying right into the seventh heaven.
and i wanna run a million miles just to reach out to you !!
in a nutshell,
i'm willing to do anything for you.
as it is...
we have already come this far...
do you think i'll let you go just like that ?
no one is worth my love as much as i know.
and i'm not gonna give a S**T to whoever who shows me concern.
cause i dont need theirs.
ALL I NEED IS YOUR LOVE AND AFFECTION.

i would sincerely hope that you'll feel better after tonight.
anyway...
i'll give you all the attention that you want.
and needless to say...
i'm gonna pamper you as much as i can.
SIGHS.

oh wells,
i could see that you're very upset over work issues now.
i mean...
if it were anybody else, they would feel the same way too.
it's so redundant to be working there.
isnt it as good as not working at all ?
oh man...
if you're gonna stay there permanently,
i think i'm gonna do some job-hunt for you.
sighs.
SAYANG SAYANG !!
as for now...
i've said my piece.
and i want you to understand that i'll put in effort into this r/s of ours.
i wont let it "sink" just like that.
I WILL LOVE YOU TILL THE END OF TIME.

AND YOU'RE SOLELY MINE, SWEETHEART <3

lean on me,
and i'll give you my all.

marketing, marketing !

2006-11-24T00:06:00.000+08:00

something to be happy about : I GOT INTO MARKETING !!

apparently, it was my first choice.
and the surprising thing is that despite my xtremely LOW GPA,
i can still get into my top choice.
THAT'S SO AMAZING !!
hopefully,
sch for year 2 would be better !!
suddenly,
i feel like a senior of TP.
time passes so quickly,
and i dont even feel like i've studied.
HAHA.
that's something bad though =(
although 2nd semester just started a month ago,
mid-sem test is coming soon.
and i cannot afford to do badly anymore,
ESP FOR BA1
( as it is, i hate accounts !! )
i'm just not a mathematical person la !!
ARGHH !!
anyway,
BA has been okay for me recently,
and i feel that i learn so much more things now.
*applause*
LOL.

oh wells,
today was a good day for me.
hey,
at first... it wasnt really good.
it was glooooomyyyy.....
the first thing i knew when i woke up,
I WAS LATE FOR SCH !!
my class starts at 9am,
but i only got up at 9.05am !!
WTF ?
haha...
obviously,
i had to give my early-bird tutorial a miss.
HAHA.
today is the second time that i've missed OB tutorial...
therefore...
I'M GONNA RECEIVE MY "CERTIFICATE OF ABSENTEEISM" SOON !!

LOL !!
doesnt it sound better than a warning letter ?

luckily, baby was there to cheer me up...
thanks alot baby...
i know you've been very tired and you're feeling totally drained out.
somehow,
it's because of me as well.
i'm really grateful for all the attention that u're giving me now...
but i'm really afraid that i might neglect you.
if i do so,
tell me alright ?

i know that you LOVE to keep things to yourself !!
better not huh...

oh wells,
i'm looking forward to tomorrow !!
it's your off-day !!
YAYY-NESS !!

I MISS YOU SWEETHEART.

LOVES <3

you're the key to my heart.

DISTURBING FINANCES !!

2006-11-10T23:44:00.000+08:00

YELLS !!
i'm feeling so damn random now.
and out of a sudden,
i have a new "ambition".
and that is to be a financial advisor,
instead of my usual ambition of being an advertising executive.
SIGHS !!
things are goin out of hand.
bills and instalments are driving people against the wall.
and i realised the importances of saving up for rainy days.
money can never be sufficient for us.
whenever you are not in need of money,
you'll find that you will be slightly "richer"
and have lots of money to spare.
but once you're in serious need of money,
you'll never have enough,
and sometimes finding difficulty to make ends meet.
now...
mummy, brother, and i feel like we're stuck at the bottom of an entrenchment.
we feel so helpless.
so handicapped.
but what can we do ?
in life,
we cannot expect things to go our way.
the more expectations we have,
the higher the possiblity of experiencing disappointments and failures.
WAILS !!
i'm really turning into a lunatic for good.
i cannot stand this anymore.
but then again,
i'm not the only one who is suffering.
mummy and kor kor are feeling as bad.
or maybe even worse.
i'll stand by them...
TEARS !!
for the time being,
daddy wont be staying with us.
he has went to "seek refuge" at his mum's place.
so what i'm gonna do now is to give him telephone calls and text msges,
in order to cheer him up.
cause i know deep down inside,
he still loves us the most.
GROANS !!
i teared when i saw his msg for us.
i received it when i was having my Marketing tutorial.
and there goes my heartbeat.
it literally paused for a few seconds.
and after i got back my composure,
i couldnt hold back my tears.
PHEW !!
luckily no one noticed it.
if not i'll be like a damn water hose.
oh wells,
i'm not gonna talk about it now.
i just hope that everything goes on as usual for my family.

I LOVE ANGELINE SIM !!
I LOVE JEFFREY LEW !!
I LOVE SHAWN LIU !!

and lastly...

I LOVE GOH SOK YEE !!

haha.
i know that was random.
but i thought this might be able to make ur night.
haha.

LOVES =)

through this darkest road,
you're the only light that i see.
i need you real badly right at this juncture,
stand by me, baby.

I DO, CHERISH YOU.

2006-11-05T14:00:00.000+08:00

the tide went way up too high for us to handle.
fortunately,
after a few hours of quality communication...
everything has been resolved now.
baby told me about my character.
she said in agony, that because of my appearance and character,
she feels insecure and so afraid.
it's not that she doesnt trust me.
in fact,
she trust me so much now...
but due to my happy-go-lucky and easygoing character,
she just cannot take the blow to how i treat others.
apparently,
baby told me that she feels that she's just like every normal friend to me.
she doesnt feel and see the differences.
this, unmistakably, makes me feel at a lost.
it makes me feel that all my efforts have gone down the drain,
in just a single night.

oh baby,
you asked for a time-out,
you insisted that there was a need to put a full-stop to our story.
thankfully,
after much persuasion,
you changed your mind.
i'm glad.
i need your assurance, just like how you need mine.
i yearn for your attention, just like how you yearn for mine.
i deserve your heartfelt and dedicated love, just like how you deserve mine.

i dont wanna see this "story" end in the middle of nowhere.
it's at its climax now...
and i dont want a conclusion so soon.
i see us,
together in bliss,
living under one roof,
and going through all hurdles of life as one.

i want us to stand strong.
and even the most extrinsic factor cannot come between us.
i believe in us,
i have absolute faith in us,
in this relationship.
all i ask for...
is for you to have the faith,
in us... and in me.

without you,
i'll be flying without wings.
without you,
i'll be crawling without my knees.
without you,
my life would be in black and white.

and it's only you,
who brings me the joy and satisfaction of my life.
i want more of it,
but i know that everything has a limit.
now that you've already reached the limit,
let me be the one,
to lift you up and show you how much love i'm able to afford.
like what i've always been telling you,
" i'm willing to do anything for you, baby. "
this sentence might seem cliche.
but i do mean what i say.

at times,
i cannot give you all my attention,
but i want you to know that you're the top priority in my life.
obviously,
i want to be the same to you.
i wanna mean the world to you,
just like how you mean the whole wide world to me.
i can't ask myself to give you up just like that.
my love for you is overwhelming.
and if i were to let you go just like that,
i'll not be able to forgive myself.
cause i just love you so.

please don't ask me to leave,
cause i'm not gonna be your obedient girl.
i'll be persistent.
i'll be stubborn.
i'll be unshakable.
i'll be the pain in your ass.
i'll be indisposable.
i'll be hard-headed.
i'll be an irritant to you.

and it all goes back to square one.

cause i wanna live my life with you.

I LOVE YOU, BABY.

if i'm gonna let you go,
that'd be my greatest regret.
i do, cherish you.

<3

SUPERB NIGHT-OUT

2006-10-29T14:09:00.000+08:00

finally i got to dance with my BABY-li-cious !!
SHE WAS SEXAYE !!
this i would have to admit !!

it was an unexpected day afterall.
it has been long since i last dressed up glamorously.
and i've got to emphasised, it's GLAMOROUSLY !!
the thought of it makes me elated.
I WAS SO HAPPY, BABY !!
it's not that i've been dressing up in totally unglam clothings.
but it's just that i've been wearing tees and shorts way too often.
so much so that i feel ecstatic when i'm able to dress up.
HAHA.
i guess baby understand how i feel huh ?
HAHA.
moreover, i'm a vain pot.
what do u expect ?
*laughs*

why do i say that last night's event was unexpected ?
shortly,
that's because, it didnt seemed like our plans and it turned out dangerously arousing for us !!
oh wells,
our plans were supposed to be like that...
- meet up with baby and go over to her friend's bday party.
- stay for an hour or so, and then head down to somewhere else
( probably catch a movie or something )
- then, we'll head home... by 12am or so.

BUT... it wasnt like that ytd !!
HAHA.
it was totally different !!
it went like......

- as per normal, we went over to her friend's bday party.
- but we didnt stay for an hour or so... we stayed there from 5.30pm-12am.
- and then headed down to Hard Rock Cafe.
- lastly, went Jalan Kayu for my long-awaited prata and teh tarik
( i've been craving for 'em )
- and i only got my butts home at 4.10am.

IT WAS SOOOOOOO FANTASTIC !!

overall,
the songs at HRC were mediocre.
but there were a few moments when they played songs that made baby and i rock and roll.
that surely did got our adrenaline pumpin' !!
can you imagine how great it was ?
but that's probably due to the fact that i'm not a regular clubber.
-_-"
how i wish i could visit clubs regularly.
or at least twice a month ?
HAHA.
i swear i was soaring way up high last night.
at first i was worried that they might not let me in...
but then again,
i've got judy's ez-link.
and i've got my confidence boosters !!
and they're none other than baby's friends.
they said i looked matured etc...
HAHA.
so i went in happily.
and i was so bouncy last night.
even though it was late,
i wasnt exhausted after leaving HRC.
who would want to end the night when it is at its peak ?
HAHA.

and wait a minute,
i suddenly remembered what baby said to me.
we were seating comfortably tog,
she cuddled me and kissed me.
and whispered those sweet nothings to me.
and there was this part...
" i wanna look for a part-time job as well, and then spend the money on you "
it was something like that...

and i was like...
" you sure ? "
OMG !!
i cant believe baby said sucha thing.
cause she has always been complaining that i'm "expensive" and spendthrift.
why does she even wanna spend her money on me ?
i was utterly shocked when i hear those words.
SERIOUSLY !!

and when i told her that i wanna work in a "night-life" environment,
she disagreed.
and i felt so protected !!
I WAS IN SEVENTH HEAVEN !!

and it was so sweet of her friend to send me all the way back home.
it was greatly appreciated indeed.

as for now...
exhilaration is overwhelming me !!
and i'm fantasizing about baby now !!

i miss you badly...
sorry to mention about clubbing last night.
i really am grateful that you were willing to spend the night with me
and had to work at 9am.
thanks alot baby.

I'M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU !!

the way you gyrate and twist your hips,
is SEXAYE.
and i want more of that soon.
the way you look into my eyes,
is ALLURING.
and i just cant get enough of you.

may i have the honour to dance with you ?
shake your booty baby !!
and i'll shake mine !!

give it to me, baby.
you know what i mean.

<3

affaire de coeur

2006-10-22T18:00:00.000+08:00

that damn title shows it all !!
it means love affair !!

baby...
this entry is for you.

dont be upset alrights.
as a matter of fact,
you dont have to bother how they see you.
all i know is that you're my lovable and devoted baby !!
i know you'll never leave me behind,
just like how they left me.
i know you'll never betray my feelings,
just like how some did.
and i know for sure,
that you love me wholeheartedly.

who cares if he treated me well in the past ?
we were in a puppy's relationship then.
moreover,
it's only right to treat your partner well, isnt it ?
oh wells,
he wasnt as perfect as how she described.
no doubt for his devotion,
he was useless.
he couldnt even take care of me when i needed him the most.
my friends took over his duty instead.
what a "good" guy he was !!
*smirks*
anyway,
enough of him...
cause my hair are raising...

my friends drifted so fast...
my life changed totally...
but what can i do ?
i'm in love with you.
so i'll have to face the consequences yes ?
i dont mind going through the stormiest weather with you,
so long as i know that i love you.
i dont give a damn about how others view me,
cause i'm not an artpiece which needs to be commented.
I'M YOUR GF,
and no remarks, comments, appraisals, or even criticisms are needed for me to love someone like you.
you said that you'll stand by me...
apparently,
i could feel it...
and i did experience it.
no words can describe the happiness that you gave me all these while.
dont be disheartened or affected after reading her blog alright ?
i once told you,
nothing can stop us from being together,
so long as our feelings are present.
we're meant to be.
and this is for sure.
so just let nature take its course...
have faith in me baby.
and i'll show you the way.

i need your attention badly.
i dont need attention from the rest, except for yours.
YOU'RE THE EXCEPTION !!
and i mean it.
i dont want us to be history.
i want us to be the future.
i can see it, can you ?

you're my desire,
you're my passion,
and i just cant get enough of you.

i promised to take care of you,
and i promised to love you more than anyone else could.

if i were to turn back against you,
i'd be deceiving myself.

I LOVE YOU BABY.

and it's more than you can imagine.

FACING TURMOIL

2006-10-22T17:06:00.000+08:00

looking back...
i realised how much time has already flown.
things cannot be like how it was used to be.
and,
we cannot turn back time.
that's one thing for sure.
why are so many of them dwelling on the past ?
why are so many of them so protective over me ?
should i be grateful... or should i be disgruntled over it ?
she was one of my most precious gems that God has granted me.
but the problem is...
she doesnt let go as easily as others.
ironically,
i'm not asking her to give up on me,
and ignore me, cause that doesnt make me happier.
deep down inside,
she still mean so much to me.
i recognise her as my best bud.
apparently,
reminiscence still overwhelm me at times.
i think back and realised how much you've done for me.
you protected me when u realised ky was in danger.
you stood by me when i was facing troubles at home.
you encouraged me when i was stressful in school.
you brought out my "real" laughter.
and you never fail to be there for me when i'm in need.
tears filled my eyes while i was in the midst of reading your blog.
i knew...
that i still meant so much more than the others.
but what's the point when you don't even wanna contact me to find out how i was doin ?
i was pretty "injured" when i came to know something...
that is your evil thought of wanting to kill my gf.
just how much has she harmed you ?
why must you make sucha remark ?
i trusted you so much.
yet, this is what i see.
i know that i'm your priority,
and you did sound that to me.
however, at times,
we can't help it when some things dont go our way.
you still mean so much to me.
but the thought of you giving me cold shoulders scares me.
it made me felt so unwanted,
like a trespasser in your life.
i'm not sure if i still meant that much.
but i'm thankful for whatever that you had done for me.
it's really deeply appreciated.
no matter what happens,
i'll still be the same.
stand by you and lift you up,
without fail.
that's provided you give me the chance to.

just got to know it today that you still read my blog.
i'm happy that you found my password anonymously.
oh wells,
you have your means of getting my password.
and i dont stop you from reading.

dearest TING,
this entry is for you.
just in case you cant figure out what i'm thinking...
do leave a comment.
i dont mean to hurt you ever since the start of this year.
just want you to know that i do care,
but it's always misunderstood by others.
if you're a victim,
then i'm the casualty.

i miss you,
and i'll never regret regarding you as my best pal.

LOVES.

YOU'RE SPECIAL

2006-10-19T00:51:00.000+08:00

[ i wanna rely on you for life !! ]

no one can be more special than you are.
no one can be more unique than you are.
no one can be more exclusive than you are.
and yes,
no one can be more precious to me than you are.

i had a fantastic time with you today at the park.
though it wasnt anything extraordinary...
at least i felt that with all those talkings and playing,
i'm another step closer to ur heart.
we had fun didnt we ?
*smiles*
but i guess you must be exhausted.
thanks baby.
i cant expect more.
and you know what ?
i'm kinda proud of our relationship.
are you ?
HAHA.
you better be !!
*threatens*
HAHA.

you showed me the way to this paradise.
you guided me through the darkest road.
you led me out of the most cunning trap.
and you told me the meaning of true love.

there's more than what you feel.
it isnt simple baby.

tempted to touch,
and i'm craving for more.

I LOVE YOU.

i'll give you the best,
be my best.

I NEED YOU

2006-10-15T17:06:00.000+08:00

i've got a huge craving today !!
and that's YOU !!
no matter how i try to munch, crunch or chew,
i just cannot get rid of that craving !!
*smiles*
apparently,
i'm loving it !!
I LOVE TO CRAVE FOR YOU !!
and i wanna have more, more and more of you !!
and right now,
i just cant stop thinking of you, baby.

another gloomy day again.
the weather isnt good.
baby is not with me.
mummy is feeling down.
and sam is reminiscing.
why is that so ???
POOR ME.

oh baby...
i just need you to be there.
sorry if i sounded whiney over the phone just now.
but that was me.
at that point in time,
i couldnt brood over the matter so much,
i wanna let my tears flow so that i could feel better.
and what's more...
i needed your concern for good.
*pouts*

you're all that i ever ask for now.
i dont need an expensive diamond ring alrights ?
i was only kidding.
HAHA.
let's scrimp and save tog yes ?
i dont have to go anywhere...
even if there arent any outings,
it's fine with me...
cause everywhere seems like paradise when i'm with you.
i'll go through anything with you.
would you be with me during the darkest days ?
i need an answer from you, baby.
i'm desperate,
damn desperate.
right now...
i'm so vulnerable.
i'm in need of your touch,
your kiss,
and your love.

I JUST LOVE YOU SO.

you blinded my vision,
and guided me along.
and you made me see that there's only you.
you make my life perfect,
you're wonderful.

ADMIRATION...

2006-10-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

that's so darn true !!
i'm craving for you !!
you're so far away from me...
*sighs*
it's so hard to reach out to you.
my holidays are ending soon...
and another problem just arose from it's surface.
it's just soooo unpleasant, i swear.
tick-tock-tick-tock.
life's sucha routine...
i've been working and sleeping, working and sleeping.
but of course,
i did let my hair down and enjoyed to my fullest with baby !!
sad to say,
school is resuming soon.
and you know what,
there come the problems !!
*groans*
who doesnt have problems yes ?
but... to what kinda degree ?
mine is definitely considered intensive for me...
somehow or other,
i'm still blessed !!
i'm so glad to have my wonderful mummy and my ever-loving baby by my side !!
they're the greatest women that i'll never regret having in my life.
*emphasises*
i'm feeling so out of the blue today...
nothing seems to be right.
randomly,
i just threw mummy a question.
" can i work when my school resumes ? "
i've been repeating myself umpteen times.
it seems like it's some kinda habitual thing that i've got to do.
*pouts*
what's new ?
obviously,
she doesnt allow me to.
then again,
who's gonna feed me and help her financially ?
NO ONE !!
and here i am trying to offer a helping hand, yet she doesnt accept it.
oh my god...
god knows what will happen to her in the upcoming weeks.
i dare not see it with my own eyes, i swear.
it's terrfiying.
so we were in the middle of a conversation,
when she suddenly said," i think i'm gonna sell the house and chase him out, let him stay with his mother !! "
there she went in an assertive tone.
so unlike her though.
i admire my mum for who she is today.
since young,
she has been going through so many ordeals,
and she has to overcome emotional fear and financial instability all by herself.
isnt she amazing ?
*applause*
she brought me up,
and unknowingly,
i'm 17 already !!
nothing to be proud of actually,
but i'm proud of her !!
oh wells,
she said if she really can't cope,
she'll let me know.
hopefully she doesnt bottle those troubles in her.

i shan't go on any further.
anyway,
she wont have the chance to read my blog.

SHOOO !!

*grumbles*

MY CUTIE PIE !!

2006-10-14T01:23:00.000+08:00

baby is just so adorable !!
I LOVE HER TO BITS !!
and one thing's for sure,
SHE'S MINE !!
humph!
it's so funny that she can even tryna be protective over me through her blog entry.
i was like...
" oh my god... this doesnt seem like baby !! "
HAHA.
but in fact,
it really was her !!
i was touched by her words.
apparently,
her actions gave me the answer,
and has proven to me that SHE LOVES ME !!
i've been pretty kinky recently...
awww...
thats not very good actually.
but hey,
it adds spice to our lives...
is that the way to say it ???
i guess so.
haha.

i've been enjoying myself for the past few days.
treasuring the time that i have with her...
oh my...
let's do a countdown...
SHIT !!
i'm only left with 9 days !!
hmmm.
oh wells,
baby !! I'M GONNA STICK TO YOU FOR GOOD !!
*chuckles*

baby has been feeling tired and lethargic recently.
and i thought of giving her a spa treat.
apparently,
BOTH of us wanna go for a spa treat.
i saw this package online,
which includes a body scrub session, hot bath, body massage and a body mask session.
and the name for it is "Time-To-Relax"
suits baby afterall.
haha.
called to check out the price today.
ironically,
it costs $90 per person and $350 for a couple.
weird isnt it ?
wanted to probe further cause i was just wondering shudnt it be only $180 ?
haha.
a couple means 2...
but it seems like it meant a few !!
haha.
so i've decided to call up again tmr...
hee.

baby,
i'll spent more time with you before my sch resumes k ?
i'll make sure i shower all my love on you !!
hee.
BE PROUD OF URSELF !!
hehh hehh.
as for now... i'm gonna take my mangoes and ring your mobile !!

I LOVE YOU LIKE MADNESS !!

KISSES <3

i wont turn my back against you...

FELICITY

2006-10-08T23:45:00.000+08:00

i'm living in bliss, i swear i am !!
without you,
life will never be as perfect !!
and i cant ask for more baby.
you give me happiness that every girl longs for.
you give me strength that every living soul hopes for.
you give me love that every couple dreams for.

i'm in seventh heaven !!

to be with you,
is a kind of blessing.
to stay with you,
is a kind of luxury.
to love you,
is a kind of contentment.
and to be loved by you,
is a kind of ravishment.

i'll want more !!
cause i'm ever-greedy for your love !!
no amount of your love can satisfy my rumbling tummy !!
and no amount of your sweetness can satisy my sweet tooth !!

i love you baby !!

aint gonna share you...

SILLY BABY

2006-10-05T02:18:00.000+08:00

how could you be so silly ?
how could you be so silly as not to know that you're my first priority ?
i may treat everyone sweet...
but that doesnt mean that i'm in love with them.
i'll give you the most baby.
more than what i can.
on the surface,
i might treat others well,
but will it be as good as how i treat you ?
sorry if i were the cause of your insecurity.
i'll make you feel secured once again alrights ?
let's stop all the arguments,
the black faces,
the stubborn attitudes...
okay baby ?
it's okay that i'm feeling unwanted for that past few days.
i'm fine now...
but a lil more attention would be better !!
LOL !!
i'm thirsty for your attention !!

wait for me baby !!
i'll propose to you !!

HAHA !!

sighs...
i cant sleep tonight...
I MISS YOU BADLY !!

LOVES <3

let's hold on together,
and never let go...

SO BLESSED !!

2006-09-27T23:42:00.000+08:00

[ DON'T WE LOOK ADORABLE IN THOSE STENCHFUL HELMETS ? ]

once again,
what am i without you ?
i'd be nothing.

everyone would have to make a wrong move,
in order to learn.
baby,
we should learn from each other,
and not repeating those sinful mistakes that we had made.
it's never too late to learn !!
after going through so many hurdles,
don't you feel that we have a stronger relationship now ?
i'm so proud of it !!
and of course,
i'm proud of my baby !!

it isnt possible for a relationship to be perfect,

and it can never be flawless.
but...
we can always try to make things perfect,

and the way we want it to be yes ?

you dont like others to order me around,

and i know you've got my interests in heart.
baby,

i'll learn to stand firm,

and rejection will definitely not be a problem in time to come.

likewise,

i wont hide anything from you as well.
( hmmm... i thought all along you're the hideous one ? )
LOL !!
oh wells,

it takes two hands to clap...
so long as both of us know what is expected from each other,

everything will turn out perfect alright ?
i'll not leave you behind...
i'll not neglect you...
this i promise you baby <3

on a lighter note,

i had a great day with you.
though we didnt have the opportunity to meet aj and ly for dinner,

at least we still got the chance to fill our not-so-hungry tummies !!
baby,

YOU'RE SO HORNY !!
*laughs*
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE LIKE THAT !!

cant wait to see you tmr...
thanks for everything today baby !!
you're my one and only !!

LOVES

dont get kinky when i'm not with you...

covered with blemishes

2006-09-27T00:23:00.000+08:00

i'm not flawless,
though i wish i could be.
i'm not your perfect girl,
though i hope i could be.

baby,
all i can see is your backview.
you seemed to be running away,
even though i've been trying hard to reach out to you.
the path in front seemed blur.
everything seems vague to me.

just how much i want you to know that i care,
and i love you.
i'm lost.
and nothing can guide me out of this forest,
except you.
i need you to be in front of me.
leading me,
and guide me out of misery.
i feel miserable without you.

no amount of hugs,
no amount of goodbye kisses,
can ease the pain.
the pain is piercing.
i'm enduring the pain which is inflicted on me.
as time passes slowly,
i prayed.
hoping that you'd pick up ur phone,
and dial my number.

i sit in a dark corner,
eyes wide apart,
thinking...
if you still love me as dearly ?
i wish i'm loved.
but then again,
i'm afraid...

why must things turn out this way ?
my heart shattered into a billion pieces,
without me knowing the reason why.
i wanna know so badly.
give me a reason.
i really wanna know so badly.
it isnt long since i last saw you smiled,
but an hour ago seems like it has already been days.

i love you for who you are.
but how come it's so different now ?
i know i did make many mistakes.
in fact,
it was countless.
hopefully,
i'd be forgiven.

i dont ask for much.
all i ask for is your love.
i'm sorry if i asked too much.
i'm sorry if i'm too 'dumb'.

iloveyou.

am i that useless ???

:(

PONDERS

2006-09-26T00:20:00.000+08:00

i'm wondering what you've got to say to me.
i wonder...
if it's something hurting ?
if it's something that will make me smile ?
i dont know.
but i'd wish to know badly.

baby...

what'd you do if i swam a million miles just to reach to you ?

what'd you do if i climbed the highest mountain just to be with you ?

what'd you do if i cried an ocean just to let you know that i care ?

tell me, baby...

how am i supposed to live without you by my side ?

I LOVE YOU.

i cant imagine my life without you,
empty and dull.
i'd rather die...

LOVES LOVES

2006-09-24T00:33:00.000+08:00

you brightened up my day.
you bring me wonders.
you give me true happines.
you love me with all your heart.
THAT'S YOU, BABY.

things are definitely so much better now.
you tolerated with my nonsense,
and so,
of course i'll be able to tolerate with you.
that goes without saying la.
HAHA.
probably i find myself so darn useless,
is partly due to the fact that i had let you down before.
i'm trying to be perfect for you even though it's difficult.
but to me,
i find that this isnt a very difficult thing.
for you,
i'll make every impossible thing be possible !!
and every negative, positive !!

I LOVE YOU BABY !!

no one can ever replace you as well !!

no matter what happens,
i'll still be with you.

you're just like the rainbow,
that comes out after the rain.
you bring colours to my life,
and make me shine with dazzle.

JEALOUSY :(

2006-09-17T20:46:00.000+08:00

guess majority of us would abhor jealousy.
what's more to it...
it shows a different side of us.
on the other hand,
it does show our concern and liking for a special someone.

baby,
i get jealous easily.
i'm sensitive.
and this is a must-know for you !!
*laughs*
every lil thing you do,
so long as it matters to me,
or it's sensitive to me,
I GET JEALOUS !!

*sighs*
didnt want to be so sensitive.
but...
it's definitely uncontrollable.
the moment i see you getting close to someone,
i'll feel so jealous...
and...
not forgetting the irritation that i've to endure.
i try hard not to show my irritation and jealousy out.
but it's pretty tough for me.
sometimes,
i feel that you're so biased against me during work.
u show me ur grumpy faces,
u show me ur anger,
u raise ur voice at me.
but i dont mind baby.
cause i know that you're true to me.
however,
it's kinda sad.
oh wells,
i'm learning...
trying not to be so sensitive.

YOU BETTER BE CAUTIOUS OF ME !!

i'm possessive.
i'm unreasonable.
i'm selfish.

*evil laughs*

LOVES :)

till death do us part.

mark my words, baby.

2006-09-16T21:39:00.000+08:00

10 reasons why i won't repeat my mistake...

1. i dont wanna run out of my house in the chilly, wee hours.

2. i dont wanna kneel down on my knees and weep bitterly.

3. i dont wanna live in guilt and remorse.

4. i dont wanna make myself seem like a complete fool.

5. i dont wanna be a two-faced monster which scares you away.

6. i dont wanna bring you unhappiness.

7. i wanna live life without regrets.

8. i wanna bring you the happiest moments in life.

9. i wanna give you the best.

10. I LOVE YOU !!

=))

keep it low

2006-09-07T22:27:00.000+08:00

it's been pretty long since i last blogged.
*sighs*
initially,
things were going on smoothly,
and all that were happening were fantastic.
but...
it was just like a sweet dream that every girl hopes for.
before i knew it,
things turned out to be different.
and i realised i've to face reality.
that goes without saying.
*grumbles*

yesterday was a nightmare.
but...
on a brighter note,
it was good that i cried'em all out !!
at least,
i let mum and dad know how i really feel.
so...
they allowed me to continue working.
and obviously,
it was for the sake of money.
i wont deny that i'm materialistic.
but hello,
I DO NEED MATERIAL NEEDS YES ?
whatever *stares*
i dont work for the sake of fulfilling my material needs,
but i do work for the sake of my dad.
is it something so god damn wrong to want to lighten his burden ?
*sighs*
baby said that i'm 'expensive',
and i do agree with that.
but hey,
at least i dont do shameful acts to get what i want.
i worked for it.
i dont steal,
i dont rob,
i dont do anything that's so fucking shameless.
so what's the big problem here ?
*screams*
oh wells,
whatever it is,
the main thing now is to keep a low profile with baby.
whatever that may come along,
i'll face it.
i'm not afraid of any ordeal,
and i'm certainly not afraid of any obstacles coming my way.

i've got faith in myself !!

[ MY DEAREST LOVE ] <3

we've walked on together for some time.
been through so many together.
silly mistakes i made,
childish behaviour of mine,
senseless thoughts i had,
those were history.

right now,
browsing through every page of my life,
made me realised how important you are to me.
i see a panoramic picture of us.
can you see it baby ?
all i ask for,
is to live each day with you.
i dont ask for anything from you.
all i yearn for is you to be able to smile from the bottom of your heart.
i wanna give you the happiness that no one else can.
i wanna love you like there's no tomorrow.
i wanna make this love of ours phenomenal.

please dont feel insecure.
please dont lose confidence in youself.
you're the brightest light that's shining in my life now.
if you're gonna be weak,
then who is gonna lift me up when i'm at my lowest ?
apparently,
you're the only one who is able to do that.
i find you the most attractive.
and i'm not attracted to any other living soul.

let's go through this one last time.
though it's gonna be hard,
i've got confidence in you.
i'm sure our love aint that fragile yes ?
i've got faith in you, my dearest baby.

at this point in time,
i can see that it's getting darker.
but i know that you'll still shine as brightly as ever.

we'll be fine so long as we pull through together.

I LOVE YOU.

you're my everything,
i swear.

i'm so lost without you...

CATS AND DOGS !!

2006-08-29T16:17:00.000+08:00

oh my !!
i was caught in the rain !!
*shivers*
but it aint big deal.
haha.
it was pouring cats and dogs !!
it's been some time since it last had a downpour...
oh wells,
this seems so redundant la.
*chuckles*

I MISS MY RED-BEAN CORN :)

baby,
the smile that you carry with you,
brightens up my day,
and it definitely brings joy to my life !!
whatever you do,
matters to me.
however you feel,
matters even more to me.
you must be really exhausted today.
*guilt-ridden*
with all the bus trips to and fro,
you must be dog-tired.
i bet you felt queasy because of all the jerks that the driver made.
*sobs*
sorry baby.
I CAN FEEL YOUR LOVE !!

=))

i've been eating alot recently.
but hey,
why resist such toothsome delights ?
*daydreams*
i wish i was living in candy-land.
haha.
food is sucha divine !!
*laughs out loud*

baby bought me famous amos's double chocolate cookies !!
and...
cinnamon croissant from carrefour's bakery !!
*slurps*
these two nectareous stuff are enough to fill my tummy with sugar.
and...
satisfy my always-say-yes-to-sweets tastebud !!
*grins*

YOUR BABY HAS A GREEDY SWEET TOOTH !!

anyway,
i'm gonna slack infront of my TV now !!
*laughs*

ECONOMICS paper tmr.
STUDY STUDY STUDY !!

I LOVE YOU,
my dearest baby.

you gave me an answer to my question.
no doubt,
it was a satisfying one.

TUCKERED OUT =((

2006-08-28T18:46:00.000+08:00

baby oh baby !!
i just miss you so.
everything was wonderful today.
it was simply........ REMARKABLE !!
*smiles*
however,
baby was so drained out today.
*sobs*
and obviously,
it was because of me again.
SORRY BABY !!
i really appreciated everything that you've been doing.
you stood by me throughout.
and today,
knowing that i was so afraid to face exams,
she sent me to school.
what's more ?
your sleep was so disturbed by me...
*sobs*
i'm really sorry...

THANKS FOR EVERYTHING BABY.
i simply love you so.

today's POM paper was quite easy to tackle.
but...
im not very confident with my answers.
the fact that i didnt complete studying,
i feel so uneasy...
*sighs*
but since it's already over,
i'm happy !!
*chuckles*
cause im looking forward to my holidays !!

baby booked a chalet at Sentosa !!
yayy !!
3 days 2 nights long...
and obviously,
i'll be away from home !!
finally can take a break !!
wait a minute...
this sounds pretty wrong.
interestingly enough,
i've always been taking breaks !!
*laughs*
i aint studying.
i aint working.
what break can i have ?
but...
one thing's for sure,
BABY DOES DESERVE A BREAK !!
dont wanna see her being overwhelmed by fatigue...
hey,
no worries about that.
cause i'll be able to take good care of baby soon !!
just a matter of days...
yayy !!
then i'll show you my untainted love !!
*smiles*

as for now...
i'm wondering if i can cope with tmr's CSA paper...
oh wells,
i shant be too nervous about it.
I'LL DO MY BEST.
*smirks smirks*

HAHAHA.

I MISS MY BOOTY-LICIOUS BABY !!

wanna look for a hot bod ?
my baby has got it all !!
I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU.

*smooch*

<3

JUMP'IN DOWN !!

2006-08-26T22:22:00.000+08:00

LOOK !!!

if my baby doesnt want me, i'll JUMP down !!!

baby cant shake me off !!

*wahahaha*

COS I LOVE HER LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS !!

WHAT'S GOING ON ???

2006-08-26T01:54:00.000+08:00

[ I MISS YOU BADLY. where're you ? ]

why do i feel so terrible ?
it feels like i'm tumbling down from the peak of a mountain.
why cant i just f**king learn how to be stronger ?
why do i have to be such a strain to baby ?
ARGHH.
i'm so angry with myself.
FRUSTRATED !!

knowing that we had to end the call,
my heart broke into a million pieces.
i could feel the impact of the shattering pieces.
i could hear the sounds of clanging and smashing.
i knew so clearly...
that i was about to wet my pillow again.
trying to recall the last time i cried.
couldnt really recap,
but i knew it was long since i last felt my pillow wet.
abhor the feeling so much.
sadly enough,
it was uncontrollable.

my thoughts are in a mess.
tangled up together...
and im in confusion.
the moment i close my eyes,
i see you.
i cannot get to sleep,
knowing that i wont be able to see you for the next two days.
why do i have to rely on you ?
if i had a choice,
i wont.
i dont wanna be over-reliant...
yet...
i dont feel good.

you said that i was weird recently,
but...
i dont even realise it.
but i remembered clearly that there was this ocassion that i felt really down.
and i wont deny that i was weird.
SIGHS.

how nice if the time would stop just now ?
and probably,
we would better.

i dont know what the hell i'm talking about now.

the picture seems blur.

ARGHH

i miss you badly,
real badly.
and it's overwhelming.
cannot imagine how's life without you by my side.
i've got to learn to be stronger.
and since you're not so dependant,
i shouldnt be either.

I LOVE YOU BABY,
i swear.

you mean so much to me,
so much that everything seems wrong without you.

NOTHING UNUSUAL

2006-08-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

it was just another bus journey.
nothing unusual,
except for the soul that i've left behind.
apparently,
i didnt take it along with me.
i left it there,
to keep her companied,
and to watch over her.

the truth is,
i didnt bear to leave.
interestingly enough,
i was able to hold back my tears.
they were flooding my eyelids,
blurring my vision,
and causing this 'drowning' effect in me.

realising that the bus was approaching,
killed me inside...
if i had a choice,
i wouldnt wanna board.
in fact,
i would choose to wait for a bus that doesnt exist.
probably,
you'll be able to keep my companied throughout the night.
And no matter how cold the weather is,
i'll still be kept warmth.

looking out of the glass panel,
i knew i was gonna miss you like crazy tonight.
so long as you're not by my side,
you'll be on my mind constantly.

baby,
i've chosen to be stronger than before.
it doesnt mean that i no longer need you,
neither does it mean that you aint important.
YOU STILL ARE BABY,
AND I DO NEED YOU.
especially at this point in time.
the reason why i chose to be stronger is simply because...
i dont wanna be too reliant.
reliance can kill.
i dont wanna be an extra burden in your eyes,
and i definitely do not wanna tire you out due to my reliance on you.
it'll be hard on you, baby.
what's important now is how we handle our relationship.
nothing else matters so long as our love is mutual.

getting paranoid and sensitive is inevitable,
i will...
and i wont stop thinking so much.
that's my character since young.
it's a lil difficult to change it.
i'll still try though.
cause i wanna give you the best.
and i guess,
you're the only one who can see the best of me.
and APPRECIATE me for who i am.

i'll wait for my exams to be over,
then i'll be able to spend more time with you.
i dont know if i'm seen as a committed gf to you,
but i'm still learning to be one.
or...
how to be a better one ?
there will always be room for improvements yes ?
one can never be perfect...
but i've learnt that imperfections can be avoided.
or rather, minimised ?

i wanna be the one who will cheer you up when u're down.
i wanna be the one who will brighten up ur day when u're having moodswings.
i wanna be the one who will lighten ur burden.
and i so wanna be the one whom you will love !!

I LOVE YOU`

i just wanna be the only one for you.
you make me realised how meaningful life is.
and i wanna be the meaning to your life.

MY TUMMY HURTS !!

2006-08-24T01:09:00.000+08:00

*sighs*

I MISS BABY !!
but she's already in her slumber-land...

my tummy hurts.
if only baby is here to rub my tummy with the ointment for me.
i guess by now it would have stopped hurting.
your aj darling cheered me up by sending me funny audio files...
and i was practically laughing to myself.
hee.

I MISS YOU BADLY !!

you gave me a reason to love so deeply.

HOW I WISH... =((

2006-08-23T22:30:00.000+08:00

yayy !!
though exams haven't even started,
i'm already looking forward to the upcoming holidays !!
oh wells,
im far more prepared to work as compared to the preparations for my exams.
i did study,
but it's insufficient.
i aint working hard enough.
but somehow,
something is stopping me.
what can i say ?
right now,
i dont have the drive to keep me mugging all the way.
hey,
i know this is definitely gonna pull down my overall score next year.
*sighs*
i've been trying hard not to slack.
hmmm...
and i'm one of those lazy people out there who needs to feel the sense of urgency,
before i really can start working hard.
but it would be a lil too late by then.
anyway,
i dont wanna mull over it now.

everything was fine today !!
it was close to perfect !!
baby was tired though.
and what was worse ?!
her nose bled in the middle of the night !!
that's terrible la !!
*sighs*
how i wish exams can be over soon !!
SOON !!
i wanna take gd care of baby.
she's not drinkin enough water.
she's not eating enough fruits.
she's not aware of her unhealthy lifestyle.
she's not aware that her baby cares.
she's not aware that her baby is worried !!

baby,
would you take extra extra care of yourself in the mean time ?
i wanna do so much for you.
yet,
i cant.
im not sure if u have high expectations from me,
but i'll make sure i do my part as your loving and caring gf alrights ?

shall see you real soon !!
i miss your laughter,
and i truly miss the way you NAG at me !!
*laughs*

I LOVE YOU`

i find myself a lil too SILLY,
for loving someone as adorable as YOU !!

=))

SATISFYING INDEED

2006-08-21T22:46:00.000+08:00

*snores*
hee...
today was a good day afterall.
had a good afternoon nap in mummy's room !!
what's more ?
i literally dozed off and make my way down to slumber-land when i was in the train !!
was on my way home then.
*giggles*
besides,
spent some long awaited time with baby this morning,
then sent her to work after that.
and i was just wondering...
"why am i so tired today ?"
oh wells,
i missed my beauty sleep !!
gosh !!
monstrous dark eye-rings and god-awful puffy eye lids !!
baby !!! HELP ME !!!

damn it.
wanted to get sun-kissed today...
*sighs*
but... TOO BAD.
the weather didnt turn out to be perfect for a sun-bathing session for baby and i.
it wasnt a wet weather today,
and yet there were countless of pitchy clouds that overcast the SCORCHING SUN !!
why dont the clouds just come back another day ?!
*weeps*
anyway... today was no doubt a fantastic day !!

i received two pieces of positive news.
first of all,
mummy is planning a short trip to Phuket or Penang...
and guess what ?
she wants baby to go !!
oh my god !!
that's so unbelievable plssss !!
i thought she dislike the idea of me being with baby...
but actually,
it's only because of exams...
yayy !!
*grins*
secondly,
she said cheerfully that baby can stay over at my place once my exams are over !!
BUT, maximum only 3 times a week.
hey, at least better than nothing !!
*smiles*
i used to think that 3 times a week is too lil,
but now...
i think it's good enough for me !!
and baby as well.

I MISS HER BADLY.

here comes my holiday resolutions :

1. make sure baby is in the pink of health
2. blood donation
3. take up a dance course
4. sizzle my way to the kitchen !! prepare tantalizing dishes for baby. (quality sushi !!)
5. improve my stamina

that's all for now...
i dont have a very long break.
*sobs*
i wanna learn so many stuff.
but i need CASH $$$ !!
how ?!

scuba-diving,
wake-boarding,
French,
belly dance,
Latin dance,
trapeze...
so many many many more !!

and i wanna go OBS.

*sighs*
all these require cash !!
baby hasnt got alot of cash either...

oh wells,
we'll have to wait till we're old then we can have money to scuba-dive !!
arghh !!

[ my dearest love ]

even though i might not be by your side all the time,
you'll be on my mind constantly.
i will be behind you,
watching every step that you make.
ensuring that every move you take is safe.
and i will assure you my love, honey.
i wanna be with you.
i yearn to see you.
i long to hug you.
and i love to kiss you.

YOU'RE MY ONE AND ONLY.
that's for sure.

baby, i miss you badly.

I LOVE YOU`

even during the stormiest weather,
i'll still stay by you.

i miss my red bean-corn.

=)

CASSIE - MISS YOUR TOUCH

2006-08-19T18:03:00.000+08:00

I dont know why you go cos I miss your touch at night

You are the reason why sometimes I cant sleep at night.
I really wanna hold you, tell you what Im goin through.
How you stay on my mind, ooo baby you love my time.
Dont know when things changed, baby it is not the same.

I cant explain the way I need you
Boy I know I feel it inside
i will do my best tonight to please you
Dont know why you go, but baby can we chill a little more.

I dont know why you go cos I miss your touch at night.
I dont know why you go cos I miss you touch at night, so baby can we chill tonight?
Just chill tonight.

See I know you got your working situation.
But if you want me you will make some time for us.
I know it is hard for you, but I get anxious, baby.
Tired of being alone, I don’t why you go.

i really miss your touch...

SNAPPING POINT...

2006-08-19T17:37:00.000+08:00

*weeps*
the tension is rising,
continuously.
it led to dismay and hostility.
nothing seems to be like before.
so how ?
just how are we supposed to be better ?
perfection isnt necessary.
imperfection is inevitable.
in fact,
it's understood.
just where...
just where did we gone wrong ?

i couldnt stop myself.
i couldnt control my tears.
i couldnt...
just couldnt.
all were incontrollable.
wouldnt deny that i was f**ked up,
and i wouldnt deny that i was grumpy.
but what can i do ?
if i've learnt not to be grumpy,
if i've learnt not to be f**ked up,
then probably,
i'll be a step closer to your heart.
apparently,
i'm so far away from you.
how am i supposed to be happy ?

yes,
you wanted to cheer me up.
yet i wasnt appreciative enough,
and i wasnt considerate to put myself in your point of view.
admit that i was rather selfish.
but all that i want was you.
knowing that you were angry and unwell,
i pissed you off by being sarcastic.
so how on earth am i considered a considerate gf ?
i'm not.

oh god...
tell me what i should do ?
give me an answer wont you ?
i wanna know what has gone wrong ?
but it seems like nothing is improving...
i can feel the sense of dissatisfaction.
what more can i do to make her happy ?
how i wish i can be flawless.
how i wish i can be matured enough to handle such things.
in her eyes,
i will never be a grown up.
in her eyes,
i'm nothing.

i feel as though everything is perishing from earth.
im paralyzed...
i'm suffocating...
i'm breathless...
i'm senseless...
*sobs*

and i'll only move on when there's you.

ILOVEYOU.

what more can i say ???

ABHORRENCE & REPULSION !!

2006-08-19T00:09:00.000+08:00

JUST SIMPLY LOOK AT THE TITLE OF THIS ENTRY !!
*screams*
i'm goin crazy !!!!
school, exams, parents, to be exact, it's mummy.
damn it,
what has gone wrong ?!
what has happened to her ?!
she seemed to be suffering from some menopausal symptoms.
that's pretty bad la.
i dont wanna be mean.
i dont wanna be cruel.
i dont wanna be so blunt.
but she forced me to.
why cant she just simply put herself in my shoes ?!
*bangs*
"YOU RUINED MY LIFE !!" ( in chinese. that's what mummy said )
oh wells,
then just kindly disown me la.
what's the f**king problem with her man ?!

I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE !!
im going bonkers !!
CAUSE SHE UNDERSTANDS NUTS ABOUT ME.
anyway,
i dont need her to understand me.

here's the list of rules i've got.

1. I CANNOT WORK NIGHT-SHIFT.
2. I CANNOT COME HOME AFTER 10pm.
3. I CANNOT GO OUT DURING WEEKENDS.
4. I CANNOT MEET BABY. ( wtf ? )
5. I CANNOT EAT DINNER WITH ANYONE ELSE EXCEPT HER. ( at least 2-3 times a week )
6. I CANNOT GO SWIMMING AS AND WHEN I LIKE. ( wtf ? )

*YELLS*
the list goes on la huh...
she's just so demanding...
watched the TV serial on channel 8 today, 7pm show.
jessica liu was talking about having freedom and happiness.
I CANT HAVE HAPPINESS WITHOUT FREEDOM.
mummy knows i've got a thing for nocturnal life/behaviour.
mummy knows that i like to stay out.
she knows everything,
but she's just trying to be difficult with me.
cant she just stop being such a control freak ?
since young im like that...
stop me at this age ?
aint it a lil too late ?!
*bangs*
if she wants me out of this damn house,
i will leave.
i can take care of myself.
ARGHH !!

whatever la... -_-
*groans*

[ my precious love ]

baby,
i felt so lost when i had to leave you just now.
i felt as though i dont know where to go.
i felt as though i was stucked in a tangled mesh of ropes,
couldnt get out of it and couldnt move on.
wanna hold you tight, so badly.
but all i could do was to board the bus in a rush.
i couldnt turn back.
cause i know if i did,
i'll never wanna leave you behind.
i'll never wanna leave you all by yourself.
you're ill.
you're unwell.
and you've got LOW BLOOD PRESSURE !!
*sighs*
and all that i could do was to leave you alone.
i'm sorry.
i aint no adult.
cannot stay out late.
cannot take gd care of you.
cannot stay by you.
cannot do so many things...
im truly sorry :(

though i cant do anything now,
i promise i'll take gd care of you during my holidays yes ? :)
one more thing,
im sorry about today.
didnt massage your back for you.
im sorry.
*sighs*
sometimes i really feel that im not worth your love and attention,
cause i dont think i deserve it.
but i do care.
i might be grumpy, petty, sensitive, paranoid...
whatever you can name la.
but i still love you.
there're times when i dont know how to express myself.
i hope you wont blame me.
once again,
sorry for shouting at you over the phone.
it wasnt deliberate.
i was just feeling frustrated and agitated.
IM SORRY BABY.
i didnt mean to neglect your feelings.
i do care...
alot...

baby,
i can never have enough of you.
i cant live without you.
all that i want is you.
and it's only YOU.

i'm only deprived of your love,
your attention.
and i'll never get satisfied.
cause i'm yearning more.
more for YOU.

ILOVEYOU`

=))

I HAD A GOOD DAY !!

2006-08-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

most of my time were spent with BABY today.
in fact,
it was all of my time.
YAYY!!
i'm so happy.
and BABY is happy too.

*mumbles*
just a short entry for now.

thanks for everything baby.
you're all that i see,
remember ?
dont have to thank me for anything,
so long as u're happy,
i'll be willing to.
ILOVEYOU.
you're precious, baby.

=D

LOVES <3

she BELONGS to only elvi !!

2006-08-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

IM SO SORRY PEOPLE !!

THE OWNER OF THIS BLOG ONLY BELONG TO ELVI !!

DONT EVER THINK OF SNATCHING HER AWAY FROM ME !!

*EVIL LAUGHS*

- elvi -

FANTASIZING ABOUT YOU !!

2006-08-15T22:31:00.000+08:00

i was fantasizing about baby !!
YES, IT'S ME WHO WAS FANTASIZING !!
oh my god !!
apparently,
i was sitting in a daze, thinking about every single thing..
*cheeky smiles*
my baby is soooooo damn HOT pls !!
i was supposed to study accounts.
hey,
i did study !!
but it werent for long.
*sobs*
guess i was just overly distracted with baby's alluring appearance.
I CHECKED BABY OUT !!

i stayed over at por por's place last night.
sad to say,
i couldnt sleep with her.
hee.
and what's best ?
i was sweating and itching all over !!
*grumbles*
kept waking up during the wee hours when everyone was sleeping sooo soundly.
tossing and turning all the time.
*sobs*
guess what ?
i even had the time to msg baby when i woke up in the midst of my sleep.
luckily i didnt encounter any "nightmares".
( baby knows what i mean huh... ? )
*laughs*

SORRY FOR BEING PARANOID.

humph!!
I'LL FIND YOU A DOLPHIN !!

*laughs*

cannot think of HER hor...
if not i'll be heart-broken...

oh wells,
one thing's for sure,

I'VE GOT FAITH IN MY BABY !!

thanks for the fruity-wacky chocolate fondue !!
thanks for the cheesy carrot cake !!
thanks for the seasoned scallops !!
thanks for the sushi !!
lastly,
THANKS FOR THE FAT BOOSTER !!

iloveEVERYTHINGaboutyou.
and i miss you like crazy.
i thought i could be stronger now.
but i realise i was even more reliant than before.

I LOVE YOU.

=)

SICKENED BY LIFE !!

2006-08-12T23:00:00.000+08:00

why is it so that everything that's happening in my life just tastes and feels so rancid and discouraging ?
*sighs*
why can't i be as happy as before ?
i used to laugh at every lil thing.
i used to cheer those who're downcast.
i used to be someone who looks at the bright side of every problem.
in short,
i used to be optimistic and cheery.

BUT...
something, somewhere, just went wrong.
oh my.
what on earth is happening to me ?
BIG BIG *sighs* !!

i can only taste the stinging sourness and the agonizing bitterness of life.
what's the point of fulfilling parents' expectations when we, ourselves, aren't the least happy ?
on the other hand,
i know that mummy is having a difficult time.
and i seriously do not wanna trouble her with my misbehaviour.
but how will she be able to notice the good side of me ?
i aint that unfilial afterall.
i aint any rotten eggs.
in some ways,
i do the family proud.
i do stand up for mummy.
i do show that i love her.
i do care for the family when things are rocky.
i do console and give advices to daddy.

and the problem is...
what's wrong with goin' home late ?
oh wells,
this isnt the main point.
the main concern is...
why cant i be with a girl whom i love so dearly ?
in any case,
will there be any differences in loving a guy ?
what's more ?
i wont be taken advantaged of when im with a girl.

that's it.
whatever i do,
will never be seen as the right thing.
knowing that mummy is paranoid and sensitive,
i brought baby home so as to allow mummy to get to know her better.
it was my good intention.
however,
mummy reacted worse.
she cannot even accept the fact that i'm like that.
bisexuality ???
homosexuality ???

ARGHH !!
whatever la.
*sighs*

feeling so worried for por por.
she's having another operation next tuesday.
*prays hard*
i dont wish for miracles.
i just hope that no misfortune will come por por's way..
though it's unpredictable,
i've faith in the doctors and por por as well.
really wish that she can pull through these rough times.
and one thing's for sure,
i'm gonna take good care of her !!

[ baby, this is for YOU. ]

work has been pretty taxing for you recently.
though i'm really feeling blue about it,
i'm trying to get used to it.
cause i know that you'll be under alot of pressure if i were to throw tantrums at you.
i understand the workload u have.
i understand the fact that you need someone to stand by you.
no worries baby.
i'll encourage you,
i'll push you forward when you're lagging behind.
i'll lift up your spirits when they're low.
i'll be the one whom u need alrights ?

i cant be perfect for you,
but i can be the one that u'd wished for,
for the past few months.
though u've got not much time for me,
at least show me that u care alrights ?

baby,
i just cant imagine how much i missed you today.
it was so so terrible.
my day was damn lousy, i swear.
wasnt able to smile or laugh from the bottom of my heart.
and my heart seemed like it was shattering.
and whenever i realised you were busy,
and couldnt get back to me,
i'll feel damn agonized.
i miss you so much.
it's driving me crazy !!

i miss you.
BADLY !!

ILOVEYOU, MY DEAREST BABY.

there're so much for me to say,
and i aint gonna keep these unspoken words within me.
baby,
i miss everything about you.

=(

USELESS BITCH !!

2006-08-12T02:15:00.000+08:00

that's me !!
*sighs*

i'm such a useless gf !!
ARGHH.
cant even make baby happy.
how is she able to withstand all these that will be coming along our way ?

oh my.

i dont want it to end.

iloveyou`

wrong, wrong, wrong

2006-08-09T18:50:00.000+08:00

I'M TRYNA MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY !!

WHY CANT ANYONE SEE THE EFFORT I'M PUTTIN IN ?!

=(

pictures that brighten up my life.

2006-08-09T16:14:00.000+08:00

[ baby, i love you. you're a part of me. without you, i'm incomplete ]

[ we share kisses all the time, to encourage, to be there. ]

[ sec sch days are enjoyable !! i miss getting punished ! ]

[ SENTOSA !! remember the days... ]

[ she's someone i treasure dearly ]

[ i'm a nature lover. unforgettable moments ]

[ happy professionals !! they brighten up my day in sch !! ]

[ she's someone who's worth living for ]

my MAGNANIMOUS grandma.

2006-08-09T15:17:00.000+08:00

[ that's por por and mummy !! the magnanimous women !! ]

[ this was taken during CNY,2006. I LOVE HER !! ]

*sighs*
i really dont wanna start off this entry with such a tear-jearking and somber tone.
but her age is catching up,
it's inevitable for her to be unwell.
giddiness and instability are common symptoms that she'll face.
guess it's also because of the lack of quality rest and sleep.
she's always been such a kind soul.
helping everyone around her even though she's not feeling well.
that's what i admire about her.
she's someone respectable and admirable.
she has a great personality.
even when something is not her fault,
she'll be the scape-goat just to help cover up for that person's innocence.
in short,
SHE'S SELF-SACRIFICING.
apparently,
she's my benevolent and magnanimous grandmother !!
i love her to bits!!

sad to say,
she's not at her best now.
when i was young,
she used to be so active and sociable.
she has got countless friends.
that's needless to say,
cause she's a humanitarian.
just yesterday,
mummy told me that she has to go under the knife again...
AGAIN !!
i was on the verge of tears when i heard this piece of displeasing news.
i couldnt accept this fact.
*sighs*
the truth is,
she'll never feel better without the operation.
but...
even after the last few times,
her health condition still go back to square one.
yes, she did recover.
but barely 4 months later,
her health starts to deteriorate again.
WHAT'S GOIN ON ?!

*sighs*
why does such a great person like her has to suffer ?
i want por por to recover !!
i want por por to be happy, once again !!

if i've got a choice,
i'd rather take care of her,
till her very last breath.

*touchwood*

but i mean it.
i dont mind the hassle...
i dont mind anything...
so long as she can be as happy as before.
or so long as her body is as healthy as before.

i miss her...

*prays hard*

GET WELL SOON.

i love my por por.

=(

I MISS THE DAYS...

2006-08-09T02:10:00.000+08:00

stella ( honey ) : I MISS YOU. AND IT'S LOTS LOTS :) sorry for the late reply. My eyes are swollen, then keep sleeping the whole day.

me : i miss you alot too. i was telling elvi about you, not long ago. are your eyes okay ?

stella ( honey ) : very pain... ouch. but you everytime not free!!

me : sorry. i meet you during my study week ? or next week also can ? no more projects. gee.

stella ( honey ) : okok. take care baby. i love you. miss the times. muacks.

me : okay. take gd care of yourself k. i miss you alot. love ya too. HUGS.

[ THIS WAS A SMS CONVERSATION BETWEEN US ]

I MISS STELLA PHUA YEE LING !!

*sighs*

till now,
i dare not think who's true and who's not.
all of you seemed to be true.
but there're only a few who stand by me.
but i know she'll always be there.
stella,
she's the one.

joelle, though i've only known you for a few months,
i know you're my true friend !!

=)

there are many to name.
but there're some who are a part of me.
you'll never be forgotten.

i miss STELLA ( you'll never be replaced )
i miss bren ( i'll still lend you my shoulder )
i miss lyn ( i hope you're doin good )
i miss ting ( things can nv be like before )
i miss qianxin ( i'll always be here for you )

joelle darling : thanks for everything that you've done.
the care and concern u'd shown me is appreciated. LOVES my darling !!

these are those whom i know are true...
but only god knows the truth.

Caught a cold !!

2006-08-09T01:09:00.000+08:00

[ thanks for everything baby. you're my NUMBER ONE !! ]

oh my god !!
i caught a terrible cold !!
it's irritating me!!
my nose has been running ever since i step into sch.
kinda allergic to tutorials and lectures.
*laughs*
baby,
maybe if i didnt attend sch,
i won't have flu ?
haha.
god knows yes ?
*giggles*

oh wells,
in the end,
I STILL ATTENDED CLASS.
sch ended an hour earlier today.
hehh hehh.
but it was only for a small group of us.
we can be very cunning at times.
or rather...
kiasu ?
eh... whatever the word is.

gosh...!!
as i'm typing...
i'm sneezing real badly...
ARGHH !!
baby... i need you to take care of me !!
*grumbles* *whines*

i thought today was a pretty meaningful day..
though i received a piece of bad news from mummy.
made my way down to city hall to OBSERVE baby work.
*smiles*
it was all worthwhile.
and guess what ?
I STUDIED ACCOUNTS AND ECONS !!
oh my !!
isnt that surprising... ???
*laughs*
baby !!
arent u proud of your gf ?

joelle sweetie !!
arent u proud of your darling ?

hmmm.
though i only studied one chapter for each of the subjects,
i thought that it was quality work.
indeed,
i spent most of the time,
trying to grasp accounts.
and now..
i got 95% of that chapter right !!
that's already considered a feat for me.
*laughs*

moreover,
I GET TO SEE BABY WHILE SHE'S WORKING !!
she's so efficent and courteous.
she's the best server in singapore !!
hee.
( i dont usually praise people hor !! )

i hope that i can meet baby after her work tmr.
*sighs*
studying for my exams is important,
but i wanna go out at night too.
IT'S A HOLIDAY !!
=(

baby,
everything i said in the letter is true alrights ?

STRICTLY NO EXAGGERATION !!
*smiles*

I LOVE YOU, MY DEAREST BABY.

let's make this journey of ours remarkable.
iloveyou.

GET UP !!

2006-08-08T00:38:00.000+08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen Ciara

He said hi my name is so and so
Baby can you tell me yours
you look like you came to do one thing set it off
I started on the left and I had to take him to the right
he was outta breathe but he kept on dancin' all night

Keep tryna admit it but cha just cant fight the feeling inside
You know it and i can see it in your eyes
You want me your smoothe as your mother
your so undercover by the way that you was watchin' me

Ooo Uh the way you look at me im feelin'
You Uh I just cant help but tryna keep it Cool
Uh i can feel it in the beat
Uh when Your doin' those things to me
Uh dont let Nothin' stop you move ring the alarm
the Club is jumpin' now so get up

I see Ciara saw your radio
everybody turn it out Spicy
just like hot sauce careful you might burn it up
You can do the pop lock rag top
dont stop thats the way you gotta get,
get and make your body rock

Ooo i love the way you rock with me dance
with me forever we can have a good time follow me to the beat together
you and me one on one breakin' it down
you cant walk away now
O we bout to turn this play out
O Ooo

Its the kid that stay ridin' it big the one police
try to catch ridin' dirty In the club from 11 o
clock like im tryna catch a dime kinda early
Lookin' thick her hair brown and curly and she love the way my ride shinin' pearly
City boys say shes fine and pretty and the country boys say shes fine and pretty
Ma and pop as big as green as cury and the ladies know soon as they see my jewlery
If being fresh is to death as a crime then i think its time for me to see the jury
You know Chamillionaire stay on the grind and a hustler like me is hard to find
I aint really impressed yes unless its about dollar signs
Really no need to call you fine
I know you be hearin' that all the time watchin' you do your step,
do do your step, and yup its goin' down

I got to have you baby

Uh i feel it i got to have you baby

I got to have you baby

Uh i feel it i got to have you baby

-Ciara ft. Chamillionaire-

this song makes baby and i MOVE !!
MOVE TO THE BEAT !!

PAMPERED KID !!

2006-08-08T00:01:00.000+08:00

today's just my day !!
*laughs*
everything seems to be good for me today !!
*cheers*
first of all,
baby was on MC today...
hehh hehh.
it's good that she's on MC, to a certain extent,
i'm able to acc her and take care of her.
BUT, it's pretty sad that she's unwell too.
cause she wont be as cheery as usual.
nevertheless,
I ENJOYED MY DAY WITH YOU.
thanks alot baby !!

though you were sick today, you accompanied me the whole day.
you sacrificed your sleep just to acc me in school.
oh wells,
it's hard for us to spend so much time together nowadays.
so we'll have to give and take yes ?
*smiles*
even if you're too busy for me,
i'll make time out for you !!
AND IT'LL BE SPECIALLY FOR YOU !!
*winks*

i'm like the princess of Tibet today...
hmmm.
this sounds pretty wrong.
haha.
whatever country la k.
the point that i'm emphasising is the fact that i'm like a PRINCESS !!
though baby is sick,
she still took extremely good care of me.
daddy and mummy did so many things for me.
and now,
the computer is in my room !!
yayy !!
blast the music !!
*laughs*
they shifted the furniture for me.
they did everything for me.
i'm living in bliss !!

let me take good care of you.
i wanna be your effective drug.
i wanna be yours forever.
baby, iloveyou.

I MISS YOU BADLY !!

<3

STRIVING FOR INDEPENDENCE

2006-08-06T02:41:00.000+08:00

this night was companionless.
as i lay in bed,
tears trickling down my sun-kissed cheeks,
soaking my pillow wet.
i was isolated from this raw Earth.
i couldnt help but to weep.
praying that things would be better.
then again,
those tears were uncontrollable.
i did try.
i tried so hard.
but my efforts were all in vain.

oh baby,
i dont wanna be alone.
being pampered and spoilt,
all that i hope for was to have your attention.
knowing that you were occupied,
i couldnt help but to feel sad.
though you called,
the conversations were brief.
i wanted so badly to hold onto the phone,
not wanting to hear the beeping of the engaged tone.
yet, it seemed like i couldnt do anything.
i wanted to shout out your name,
i wanted to tell you how much i missed you.
before i could even say anything significant,
you hung up.

here i am,
waiting desperately and frightfully for your call.
wishing that you'll ring me willingly.
without a second thought,
i realised all these wishes and hopes are my dreamy wishful thinking.
apparently, i was in fool's paradise.

i miss you badly.
real badly.

oh wells,
i lost faith.

AIN'T NO OTHER MAN

2006-08-06T00:29:00.000+08:00

I could feel it from the start
Couldn't stand to be apart
Something 'bout ya caught my eye
Something moved me deep inside
Don't know what ya did boy, but you had it
And I've been hooked ever since
Told my mother, my brother, my sister, and my friends
Told the others, my lovers, both past and present tense
That every time I see you everything starts making sense

Ain't no other man can stand up next to you
Ain't no other man on the planet does what you do
You're the kinda guy a girl finds in a blue moon
You got soul, you got class, you got style, you're bad ass
Ain't no other man, it's true
Ain't no other man but you

Never thought I'd be alright
Till you came and changed my life
What was cloudy now is clear,
You're the light that I needed here
You got what I want boy, and I want it
So keep on giving it up
So tell your mother, your brother, your sister, and your friends
Tell the others, your lovers, better not be present tense
'Cause I want everyone to know that you are mine and no one else's

You are there when I'm a mess
You talked me down from every ledge
You give me strength
Boy, you're the best
And you're the only one who's ever
Passed every test!

And now I'm telling you
Said, ain't no other man but you
Oh, yeah, yeah
What you do, oh said
Baby baby baby,
Don't you know,
Ain't no other man but you

-christina aguilera-

YOUR HEART IS WITH ME.

2006-08-05T23:54:00.000+08:00

guess negligence really causes people to get upset.
*sighs*
i'd feel miserably sad if i was neglected.
so i can understand how you feel girl.

maybe i was just unmindful.
but you're still my priority.

I LOVE YOU.

there's nothing more that i wish for,
so long as you're here with me.
i'm blessed to have your love.

SUN-KISSED !!

2006-08-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

i'm darker than ever now.
oh my...
sun-kissed again !!
*smiles*
that's something good though.
cause it's been long ever since i last basked in the blinding sun.
yayy !!
it just wasnt my day today for a shopping spree.
everything i wanted, just didnt have my size.
i wanted a jacket, but they were only left with XS.
i wanted a puma shirt, but it was only left with S.
i wanted a sports bra, but it was only left with XL.
lastly, i wanted a skirt, but only left with S.

DAMN IT.

i'm not as petite!!
*pouts*
how i wish i am...

oh wells,
but today was a great day after all.
went sun tanning with BABY in the morning...
and im glad i could meet her today...
hehh hehh.

supposed to swim at least 15 laps today...
but ended up only swam 1 pathetic lap !!
oh my.
guess i'm just more into the Sun !!
*laughs*
the rest of the evening was spent with my beloved MUMMY !!
though we werent really on good terms the last few days,
a shopping spree did help bond us together.
she was unhappy about elvi and me.
and now that she knows everything,
she's trying every mean to stop us from being together.
*sighs*
how i wish all these can be avoided.

by the way...
JOELLE darling made my day too !!
i was so touched by her blog entry...
you're so sweet !!
love her truckloads.
=D

oh wells,
you're one of those few who are true as well !!
i'll go church for a chinese congre with you!!
that'll be the first time!!
*smiles*
and for sure,
you'll have to be the translator.
I INSIST !!
bedok reservoir, here we come !!
take care alrights...

CHEERS//

WONDERFULLY MADE =D

2006-08-05T01:16:00.000+08:00

baby...

everything was wonderful today!!

it felt as though i was in LALA land!!

but just when the clock struck 11.30pm...

i knew i had to leave.

that was when my fairytale-like dream ended miserably.

OH WELLS,

I HAD A GREAT TIME THOUGH.

shall blog again tmr.

WITH LOTS OF LOVE,
sam-baby =D

never gonna say goodbye.

2006-08-03T16:51:00.000+08:00

hellox muii ke aii derrx darling worx. i mishh you worx.. n0w currently you're likke chiongingg ur projectx.. make muii sho missh you lehx.. heex..aLthough i sitting juz buiiside you hor.. i berii berii xin tongx see you dO ur pRojEct till u berii heaDaChe lehx. heex. nEvertHeLeSs, i'll be hErE tHru ur darkk darkk times leiix.. in oRdEr tO heLp yOu wibb ur sCh wOrk.. i cann0t heLp yOu wibb uR wOrk bUtt iM owAes hEre bEsiDe yOu to gibbx you suppOrk in whatever y0u do lehx..

hAte tat tupiid ROYKALAH lehx!!! so NEHX nEhX lOhX gO kApoK muii dArlIng derrx pOtAtO chiippx tO eAt.. biAngz aLmOst WAN GO SLAP HIM... bUt i d0n dAre ltr dAr dAr aNgry lEhx cUz lAtEr his bOnE lEft aT TP hErE.. =x lEfT oN tHe cUteX cUtEx wAlL. dAts sO LanG fEi nEhx.. =))))

dArliNg hOrx... vEry "Tee-KO" oNe leHx.. wHen i tYpiNg tHish cUtex cUtEx pOst sHe kIp seE see lOh. lTr i gO diG heEr eYes oUT dAn sHe nOe aRhx. hee. bUt i wOnt dAre tO cuz hORx.. hee.. i LoVe muii sammie DARliNg sHo mUch tiLL dOno Wad.. dEn hOw wiLL sHe dE dIg hEr eYeS oUt lehx..

kKies laRHx. i gO liaOx. cuZ bAbAy's GonNa fInIsh hER wOrk! gTg liaOx.

babayyy sAm.. i LUBBX luBBx yOu.....! muacks...

ELVI.. SHE IS MINE HOR... =)
tHe PERFECTLY CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE miAN Bao!!! =]]]

I'M HERE WITH YOU.

2006-07-31T00:01:00.000+08:00

nothing can be more worthwhile than loving you,
nothing can be more satisfying than looking at you.
girl, you melted my heart,
and made me soar into the sky.
up so high, there i was,
scrutinising the land below,
ensuring that everything around you is going on fine.

in my eyes, there's only you.
only you matter to me.
you make me do things that i wont do for others.
you're someone so special,
so special that i cannot take my eyes off you.
you make me wanna give you the best in everything.
oh baby, sometimes i wonder,
i cannot give you the things you want and need.
i cannot satisfy your material needs.
instead,
i'd give you my heart.
now that my heart is with you,
lock it within you,
just like how i secure yours in me.

remember will you ?
that i will always be here with you.
when all you see is darkness,
i'll be the torch shining right above you.
when all you can feel are troubles,
i'll be your sole listener and advisor.
and when you're at your lowest,
i'll be the one to pull you up, and carry you through the toughest journey.

no unhappiness, no sorrows.
stay with me baby.
and i'll bring you happiness.
i'll bring wonders to your life and be part of you.
i'll take good care of you,
show you tenderness and love.
girl, embrace me.
cause i love you.

since the day i met you,
a new chapter began.
i dont wanna end our chapter with a goodbye,
i dont wanna end our chapter without a conclusion.
cause i wanna continue chapter after chapter with you.
no conclusions, no goodbyes.

i've let you down so much.
baby, i'm gonna change for you.
i'll be a brand new me.
a brand new partner that you've been longing for.
now i'm here baby.
here with you.

let's walk on forever,
and never part.
i'll hold your hand till my very last breath.
i'll keep our indistinguishable memories in me.
nothing can take you away from me.
i wont let you go girl.
cause i'm crazy over you.

every second i'm thinking about you.
i wish i could spend every moment with you.
baby,
i can't live without you.
you're my everything.

i miss you, real badly.

<3>
LOVES.

upset no more.

2006-07-30T14:29:00.000+08:00

baby,
though you're not 21 yet, you're already having the liberty to be able to move out.
WOW !!
im sure you're independent enough yes ?
cheer up baby.
my heart really aches to see you in this state.
usually, i'm always the one who is down.
but now,
you're the one feeling unhappy.
whatever decision you make,
you'll definitely have my support alrights ?
now that you're so attached with your family,
it's not so easy to leave everything behind.
they're your loved ones...
*smiles*
no matter how much they agitate you or annoy you,
you still love to stay with them yes ?
*sighs*
now that my baby is independent to stay out with her best friend,
this shows that she'd grown up.
but i dont know why,
i'm feeling so down too.
so worried and at a lost.
i wanna console you.
but im feeling so upset as well.
i'm not tryna be negative baby.
somethings are inevitable when you moved out.
i dont want you to face monetary problems and stuff like these.
i want you to be happy.
yet,
i've got this feeling that you'll not be as happy as you are now.
and probably,
your happiness will only be short-termed.
*prays hard*

hopefully things will turn out fine yes ?

I'M WITH YOU,

NO MATTER RAIN OR SHINE.

CAUSE I LOVE YOU, MY DEAREST.

i feel so much for you,
i'm loving you like i've never loved before.
i'll be your strength,
when you're at your weakest.
baby, imissyou badly.

YOUR happiness is MY happiness.

2006-07-30T00:08:00.000+08:00

[ let me pick your nose for you !! STAY WITH ME, BABY. ]

BABY,

time passes so quickly !!
ARGHH !
it seems as though i've only blinked my eyes for once.
oh my god...
how i wish...
how i wish...

i could stay with you,
in a cosy lil cottage just by the beach.
near the sea,
near Mother nature.
that would be soooo darn lovely !!

for the past few days,
i've been sleeping with you every night.
now that you cant stay over for a long long period of time,
i'm gonna suffer at night.
that's really really torturing me !!

baby,
you're my happiness.
you bring me joy that i can never find elsewhere.
you bring me hope that lift me up whenever im at my lowest.
you bring me warmth that i cannot feel from others.
you're the only one that's so special.

i've got this undeniable love for you,
and i've got this unpronounced pledge,
to be there for you and to stay by you.

oh man !!
i dropped a lizard into a pail of water which contains clothes softener !!
holy shit !!
i'm feeling so disgusted yet at the same time...
GUILTY !!
eeewwww...
it was wriggling in the water.
i committed a crime !!
I'M A MURDERER !!

oh wells,
that was just so random.

good luck for your mahjong session baby !!

I MISS YOU !!

I LOVE YOU !!

am i forgiven ??
i wonder...

=D

YOU'LL BE MINE TILL THE END OF TIME.

2006-07-25T23:10:00.000+08:00

HEADLINE NEWS ON MASIVLE TIMES.

ELVINA GOH SOK YEE & SAMANTHA LEW GUI LING are engaged on the 25 July 2006.
After going through all the tough and prolonged problems, they're back together again.
Crossing one hurdle after another, painful indeed.
They broke up thrice.
Yet, flirtatious Sam didn't learn from her mistakes after the first two times.
Disappointed Elvi had no choice but to give up on Sam.
They thought that they were meant to be.
Apparently, they are.
But moronic Sam did not treasure.
WHAT A WASTE !!
Now that Sam is rightfully Elvi's "property", there's no reason for Sam to flirt and lie like nobody's business !!
Struck by greed, Sam's actions were incorrigible and shameful.
But still, tender-hearted elvi forgave Sam for her wrongs.
THAT'S SO SWEET OF HER !!

BABY, YOU'RE ALL THAT I SEE.

YOU'RE ALL THAT I WANT.

YOU'RE ALL THAT I FEEL.

YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING !!

i'm sorry for the wrongs that i did baby.
nothing can be more true than what im telling you now.
i'm gonna say for the last time alright.
i will be true to you.
i will be with you faithfully.
i will love you more than anyone else.
i know i've said these many many times.

BUT THIS TIME ROUND,

I SWEAR !!

just how much i want you,
for myself.

days without you were cold.
days without you were so dark,
so dark that i lost my way.
i didnt know how to continue living alone.
i didnt know what was it like to lose someone i hold so dearly to me.
from that very day onwards,
i knew everything.
i realised how selfish i was,
yet greedy.

now that you're back to me,
i will give you the best.
i will spend as much time as i can with you.
let's talk about quality k ?
haha.
though i would really hope that quantity is present as well.
sighs.
I LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE.

and one important lesson learnt :

I WILL NOT FORSAKE MY LOVE FOR ELVI, FOR ANYONE ELSE !!

i mean it baby.

god damn it !!
i was drowning in jealousy this afternoon !!
WHAT THE HELL !!

my dream came true.
i was dreaming about myself, having to deal with love rivals.
they are just soooooo SICKENING !!
ARGHH !!
why must they see who my baby is ?
sighs.
they seemed like some stalkers out of nowhere !!
IM JEALOUS !!
BABY, I REALLY AM !!

i need you, baby.

I LOVE YOU TONS !!

i never knew i'll love a woman so much.
you'll have a place in me.
lean on me,
i'll give you the best.

let's complete our journey.

2006-07-24T21:25:00.000+08:00

[ i wanna cover your eyes, so that all you see is ME !! *evil laughs* ]

[ kiss me baby !! ]

[ baby, let's put everyting behind and start anew alright? let's love like we've never loved before. ]

[ i'm just near you. hoping that things would be like before. YOU'RE LOVED ! ]

[ i will be truthful to you, i swear. i will not turn my back against you anymore. ]

[ stop sulking!! i'll pull you through your darkest days, and let you know how much i love you ]

[ who else can be more adorable than you ? you're all that i see... ]

[ STOP STARING !! baby, your significance in my life is overwhelming ]

[ remember what we were doin' then ? OOPS. ]

baby,
i'm more than happy to have you by my side.
you tolerated my nonsense.
and i'm grateful.
now that you're back with me,
though it's without status,
i'm contented.
but of course it would be better if you're rightfully my gf.
but who cares ?
haha.
YOU'RE MINE !!

I LOVE YOU.

I MISS YOU.

put the past behind,
and follow me through this wonderful journey.
no hurts, no lies.
no pain.
you're the meaning to my life.

i'd rather not live.

2006-07-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

[ you'll be my charming prince forever. look at that stunning brown eyes ]

baby...
you're all that i ever need.
the times that we spent now...
feel as though you're a thousand miles away from me.
so near yet so far.
i'm just right beside you,
yet i cant hold your hands.
i cant hug you the way i want.
i cant give you the kisses that used to be passionate.

the more i love you now,
the more you asked me to let go.
the more i reach out to you,
the more you pushed me away.

and out of a sudden,
i feel as though my life is worthless.
life without you seems like i've come to a dead end.
and now,
i'm trying to cross every hurdle...
just to get close to you.
if i could do something to make you come back,
then it would definitely be more than what i perceived.
i will do anything...
just to let you come back.

baby,
cant you see that my arms are still for you ?
cant you see that my heart is only occupied by you ?

lies that i told...
hurt you so deep.
so deep that no matter what i say seemed to be useless.
nothing seems to be working.
just how ?
just how can i get back to you again ?

now i'm in my own world.

if one day we get back together,

i'll treasure you so much more than before.
i'll be the first to reach out to you just when you need me.
i'll be standing right behind you, just like your shadow.
i'll be your guiding light through the darkest days in your life.
i'll be your pillar, to let you lean and rely on.
i'll be your listening ear.
i'll be your wonderful baby.
AGAIN.

baby...
i need a chance from you to prove that i'm not worthless.
i seriously need you in my life.

i was wondering if my presence matters to you anymore.
you seemed as though you dont know who i am.
and even if you do,
you seemed as though you hate me for life.

after all my mistakes,
this is the worst case scenario.
sighs.
and i'm really repentant.
i'm devoted to you this time round.
and i really mean what i say.
i dont wanna live in denial and tell myself that i can forget about you...
or tell myself that by letting you go,
it will do both of us good.
i really dont wanna deceive myself that way.
it really hurts me when you say those harsh things to me.
but i can take it.
i dont care if it will be harder this time round toget you back,
cause i just want you.

AND IT'S ONLY YOU !!

i truly love you,
from the bottom of my heart.

i'll bring back your soul.
i'll mend your heart.
i dont wanna walk down memory lane in regrets.
i want my dream to come true.

baby...
all i ever want is you.

I LOVE YOU BABY.

elvi is the only one that is kept within me.
i miss you badly.

mui cutex cutex derx pui lew lew worx

2006-07-20T13:49:00.000+08:00

muiyox! this cutie here is to help muii sammie darling blog worx =)))
she's rightfully muii cutex cutex de darling nehx. hehex.
she worx. now sitting beside muii reading dat stupiid de joelle's blog worx.
so de jealous nehx. now horx.
she so so de happiie nehhx. cause nehx. her cutex cutex bb is here worx.
muii ishh so irritatedx with the smell of herx worx which made muii so irritatedx.
i kept sneezing worx.
waliewx. okieex larhx. i gtg liaox.
thix post is shoo cutex worx.
l0ving muii sammie owaex nehx-char the cutex cutex. #o3

i'm a divorcee.

2006-07-18T13:29:00.000+08:00

baby,
hmm.
wondering if i should still call you that.
oh wells,
whatever it is,
you're still my one and only baby in my heart.
no one can ever replace you in my heart.
you have this significant place of your own, in mine.
and no matter what happens,
you will still stay,
as long as i'm living.

i remember the days,
when we laugh our lungs out regarding silly actions.
when we sun-bathe under the blinding sun, exchanging smiles and winks.

when we sacrificed for each other. ( though you're always the one sacrificing your time for me )
when we walk hand-in-hand, from one shopping mall to the next.
when we binge on food, and not feeling 'shiok' at all.
when we splurge our money and then realising we've got not enough to spend.

the list goes on.

i cant help but to think of the times we shared.
we used to be the best.
and what can i do to make you mine again ?
just how can i own you rightfully ?
just as we got married,
your wife cheated on you.
but now that she's feeling so shameful and guilty,
will you still allow her to learn from her mistake ?
swearing that such an incident wont ever happen again.
she wants to be with you.
she wants to be there for you.
she wants to rely on you and no one else.
she wants to hold you tight, tightest of all.
she wants to pamper you with her love.
but i need a chance to.

i'm your ex-wife.
but how can i ever be your wife again ?
let her mend your heart.
and bring back your soul.
she wants to own you,
legally and rightfully.

i'm truly sorry.

BABY...

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

it's only you that matters the most to me.
and i'm gonna love you endlessly.

i wish i could crawl back to you.

2006-07-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

Everybody Knows
That I was such a fool
To ever let go of you
And baby I was wrong
And yeah I know I said
We'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know I broke your heart
I didn't mean to break your heart

But baby here I am
Bangin' on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And I'm crawlin' back to you
Beggin' for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was runnin' from the truth
And now I'm crawlin' back to you

I know you're in there
And you can make me wait
But I'm not gonna wait
It's the least that I could do
Just to tell you face to face
I was lyin' to myself
Now I'm dyin' in this hell
Girl I know you're mad
Well I can't blame you for bein' mad

If you could see these tears I'm cryin'
Touch these hands that can't stop shakin'
Hear my heart that's barely beatin'
You would see a different man

i'm sorry, my love.

tears are rolling.

2006-07-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

i just need one more chance.

and i'll prove it to you.

THE MASQUERADE.

2006-07-16T15:05:00.000+08:00

[ i wanna bring ur smile back and i wanna mend ur heart ]

everything has come to a halt.
just when i thought it would.
the guilt within me is empowering.
the guilt is suffocating.
but what can i say ?
what can i do ?
I BROUGHT THIS UPON MYSELF.
it was a masquerade from the start.
the truth lies behind every mask.
i'm so glad that every bean was spilled out from that rotten old tin.
i'm so glad that i have to stopped acting.
i'm so glad that my mask had been thrown away.
last night's scene was dramatic.
it was crazy !!
everyone was really at their weakest last night.
and it was all because of me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN DOING FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS ?
i didnt know.
but now i do.
i dont wanna hurt baby so much anymore.
since i've been given the very last chance,
i'll clear baby's doubts with my actions.

it was really tragic.
the moment the mask was gone,
i could hear baby's heart shattering into so many billions of pieces.
and each piece represented the mistakes i made,
and the pain i brought upon her.
she was numbed by me.

all by my bloody own hands.
i didnt mean it.
but wat can i say ?
i repeated my mistake again and again and again.
i shot her right into the heart and left her alone in doubts.
curiosity is taking over baby.
baby is in doubts.
but i need to prove to her with my actions.
right from the beginning,
i know baby is the only one that i want.
the only one that i wanna give all my love to.
i wanna make baby feel loved again.
i wanna make her trust me,
even more than before.
after so many incidents that had taken place,
my love for her grew.
it grew so quickly that it just burst out of a sudden.
the pressure was too much.
the pressure was unbearable,
it was too much for our love balloon.
just like baby's heart.
it burst,
and it no longer can be like the same resistant and enduring heart she used to have.
our ship is sinking deeper every second.
but do you think i will let it sink till it reaches the sea bed just like that ?
i cannot have a gd night's sleep and wake up the next day,
pretending that nothing has ever happened.
i take things seriously,
yet...
i contradict myself.
i really contradict myself.
so much so that baby cannot trust me anymore.
i dont have the confidence to let baby stay by me,
though i really wish to.
love is intimidating me.
love is scaring me away.
but no matter what,
nothing gives me a reason to stop loving you.
everyday...
my love for u grown.
my love for you grows as fast as lightning.
i cannot control.
i'm obsessive over you.
i find it stupid for people who are so possessive,
and now,
i realised that possessiveness comes along when you're really in love with someone.
how stupid i though it was,
but i dont find myself stupid,
cause i'm crazy over you.
it aint puppy love.
it aint child's play.
i'm craving for you.
and my only desire is to have you.

struck by greed and poisoned by immorality.
but hey,
i've stopped.
i've learnt my lesson.
even if baby werent to believe me,
i will make her believe me once again.
our fingers were meant to be for each other.
my heart is meant for you now...
but if yours is already shattered...
will u still let me mend it back for u ?
just how much i wanna prove my love to you.
no more pretentious acts between us.
no more dramas and scenes.
no more masquerades.
all have already ended.

baby,
though you said you've given me another chance,
how much will you love me ?
i know i suck.
but i really do love you.

I LOVE ELVINA GOH.

I REALLY DO.

i will wait for the day that you're willing to come back to me.
i wanna make it clear to you that i'm worth your love.

I MISS YOU BADLY !!

2006-07-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

[ MY CANDY-LICIOUS BABY ]

days without you were lonely and cold.
i couldnt see the blinding sun,
i couldnt see the shimmering seas,
i couldnt see the alluring rainbow.
feeling distressed and despondent,
all i want is you to be by my side.
my body was as soft as jelly.
so jelly-fied.
my heart was as fragile as a glass sheet.
everywhere i go,
everything i see,
everything i hear,
they all brought me back to memory lane.
your laughter,
your tears,
your cheeky behaviour,
your seductive look,
your EVERYTHING.
HUGS,
KISSES,
WARMTH,
just left me weeping in the middle of the night.

BUT NOW...

things are fine again.
the dark clouds are gone.
the sun is as brilliant as before.
just how much i wanna hold you tight,
so much tighter than before.
give you so much more love.
do so many more things for you.
but i'm a lil too busy.
*SIGHS*
i'll make u feel loved once again.
i'll not cheat on you.
i'll not flirt.
but that depends on who that person is.

CAUSE......

I'LL FLIRT WITH ELVINA !!

*laughs*

will that be okay with you ?
hmmm.
i just simply LOVE to flirt with you.

the past two days were so satisfying !!
got to spend my night and day, day and night with you.
now that i'm so used to sleeping with you,
how am i gonna turn in early without you ?
OH MY GOD !!
thats like soooooo NOT NOT NICE !!
spare me from that torturous night...

I CANT GET YOU OUTTA MY MIND !!

I MISS YOU SO MUCH !!

I LOVE YOU !!

that's needless to say.

:X

i wanna hold you tight.
never let you go.
whisper gently into your ears,
embrace you through the night,
and give you the warmth that you long for.

The Power of LOVE !!

2006-07-07T21:33:00.000+08:00

OH MY GOD !!

just as i was about to give up,
i found it !!
yayyy !!
i'm so proud of myself !!
*laughs*
i simply love this song soooo much...
oh my.
whenever i'm not with baby,
and i hear this song,
i'll feel like crying.
hmm.
this shows how emotional i am.
or rather,
how much i feel for her.
even a moment without her can be fatal !!
*chuckles*

THE POWER OF LOVE !!

baby and i love this song.
she always listen to this song,
yet she doesnt know the correct title.
made me seemed like a mad donkey.
OOPS.
and...
i've found the title !!

Celine Dion - THE POWER OF LOVE

the whispers in the morning,
of lovers sleeping tight,
are rolling by like thunder now.
As i look in your eyes,
i hold on to your body,
and feel each move you make.
Your voice is warm and tender,
A LOVE THAT I CANNOT FORSAKE.

cause i'm your lady,
and you're my man.
Whenever you reach for me,
i'll do all that i can.
Even though there may be times,
it seems i'm far away.
Never wonder where i am.
Cause i'm always by your side.

Cause i'm your lady,
and you're my man.
Whenever you reach for me,
i'll do all that i can.
We're heading for something,
somewhere i've never been.
Sometimes i am frightened but i am ready to learn,
of the power of love.

The sound of your heart beating,
made it clear suddenly.
The feeling that i cant go,
is light years away.

Cause i'm your lady,
and you're my man.
Whenever you reach for me,
i'll do all that i can.
We're heading for something,
somewhere i've never been.
Sometimes i'm frightened but i'm ready to learn,
OF THE POWER OF LOVE.

I LOVE YOU !!

SO IN LOVE WITH YOU !! -5 CLAPS-

2006-07-06T22:37:00.000+08:00

I MISS MY SUGARFIED BABY !!

DO YOU MISS ME ??

hmmm.
i was in the bus when i suddenly thought of this song.
and it just suits me so much.
it suits my feelings.
it suits my mood.
it suits ME !!
*LAUGHS*
and i soooo just wanna sing to you.
ONLY YOU !

you're my soul,
you're my life,
you're my everything.

without you by my side just for a moment,
my thoughts will start running wild.
and needless to say,
my chaotic brain cells will start bombarding against one another.
how wrong that sounds.

but...
that's how much your charm can do to me.
*WINKS*
i'm just feeling so much for you.
i cant restrain myself from not thinking about you.
i cant control myself from not falling deeper.
each day,
i fall deeper.
and now,
i'm so so so deep till i'm desperate for you !

just how much you've inspired me.
just how much you mean to me.
i need you here with me,
i'll share my joy with you,
and i'll be there for you !!
this i promise you.

I LOVE YOU !!

tell me that you love me,
tell me that you care.
tell me that you need me,
and i'll be there.
i'll be there waiting...
i will always love you,
i will always stay true.
no one else will love you like i do.
come to me now.
i will never leave you,
i will stay here with you.
through the good and bad i will stand true,
I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.

trust that i'll hold you tight,
and never let you go.

CSA SUCKS !!!

2006-07-04T14:08:00.000+08:00

CSA SUCKS !!!

joelle's first invasion act!

2006-07-04T12:22:00.000+08:00

SaM iSh ShOoo CuTe wOrXx!
eUu rAwKx!

hahaha. dont understand why _ _ _ _ _ _ type it this way. so hard to read wOrxX!

sam sam sam, must attend lectures okay! :)
and don't always skip tutorials!

ur welfare rep's gonna scold you if you continue like tt! *stares*

heeeeeee byeeeeee!

relationship problems just SUCK.

2006-07-02T15:27:00.000+08:00

what am i doin in this world ?
so cold,
so dark.
it seems as though there's nothing left in this world for me to treasure.
my life seems so worthless.
and something's telling me that my life is worth nothing except the love you have for me.
i wonder if it's true.
i wonder if your love for me is real.
i wonder if it's undeniable.
how i wish it is.

do you even realise my existence ?
i held on so tightly,
and i made a promise to myslf,
never to let you go.
but when i look ahead of me,
all i see is an ill-omened and somber journey.
never will it be as smooth as before.
not too long ago,
i realised i am living in an ironic world.
when it comes to love,
the problems are just repetitive.
when you really love someone,
you've got to let her go,
and the reason behind is that you want her to be happy.
but when the person is already falling so deeply,
and to know that leaving you will make her heart ache even more,
she still decides to leave.
it's either you stay with the person you love,
or you grant her the happiness that she wants.

however,
i'm neither this nor that.
I'M NONE OF THE ABOVE.
my life's so skeptical.
i can hardly figure out anything.
i'm hesitating to carry on.
i know where i've stopped,
but i've got no idea on how to continue.
it feels as though everyone around is mocking at me.
so many things still left undone,
unsolved,
unsettled,
unsaid,
unconvinced...

SIGHS SIGHS SIGHS.

memories are meant to be unforgettable.
how true it is to me.

mich told me something,
she said, " no one can ever get over someone. "
and it's so true.
unless we suffer from a concussion.
whatever it is,
i just suffered from traumatism.

and it's a bad encounter.

baby...
I LOVE YOU.

message to sam.

2006-06-22T00:54:00.000+08:00

i love you with all my heart.

JONATHAN WAS HERE!!!

2006-06-21T12:37:00.000+08:00

we're doing our csa project. and while that lazy sam is slacking away. i'm here to save eUu AllZ. lOlx.. bErIx bEriX cuTeZZZ woRrRxx.

hahahaha. gosh. why am i so lame? its because i dont have enough sleep. dont have enough food.

alright. shall end my invasion here. muahaha.

jon was here.

boredom !!!

2006-06-21T10:34:00.000+08:00

goodness gracious !!!

i woke up early this morning at 7.30AM !!!
that's so unbelievable !!!
but of course,
i woke up for a particular reason.
*sighs*
it's none other than CSA project !
god damn it !
in school now...
AND I MISS HER BADLY.
cant really get focused and concentrate on the project.
though i rushed out early this morning,
i managed to pack my swimming stuff.
*3 claps*
hahaha.
i'm getting goofy already.
hmmm.
the thought of using dreamweaver software just scare the hell outta me.
it's so frightening !!!
and damn it,
i dont know a single thing about that bloody software.
ARGHH !!!
whatever it is,
I'LL TRY MY BEST TO COMPLETE THE PROJECT.
haha.
*prays hard*

never gone.

2006-06-19T15:11:00.000+08:00

I really miss you
There's something I gotta say...

The things we did, the things we said
Keep comin' back to me and make me smile again
You showed me how to face the truth
Everything that's good in me
I owe to you

And though the distance that's between us
Now may seem to be too far
It will never separate us
Deep inside I know you are...

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, every day
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've got to say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone

I walk along these empty streets
There is not a second you're not here with me
The love you gave, the praise you showed
Will always give me strength and be my corner stone

Somehow you found a way
To see the best I have in me
As long as time goes on
I swear to you that you will be...

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, every day
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've got to say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone

Never gone from me
If there's one thing I believe

I will see you somewhere down the road again

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way
Even though for now we've got to say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life
Never gone

Never far
In my heart is where you are
Always close, everyday
Every step along the way

Never gone, never far
In my heart is where you are

[ i feel so pathetic ]

it's so unlike before sobs

2006-06-18T16:25:00.000+08:00

nothing is forever...
and nothing CAN LAST forever...
no matter how badly you want to hold it dear to your heart,
somehow,
it would just find a way to slip through your fist.
i tried so hard to grip it tight,
but it was useless.
it was in vain.
probably i didnt clench it with my full strength.
apparently,
i took things for granted.
*sighs*

NEVER THE SAME AGAIN !!!
*screams*

all i ever asked for was to be loved.
well,
to love is difficult,
and to be loved is problematic.
oh my.
images of my long-awaited happiness are diminishing.
they're making a move.
they're vanishing.
they're perishing.
so am i.

our love used to be flawless.
our love used to be unblemished.
it used to be undeniable,
it used to be genuine.
but now,
i asked myself peculiarly,
" is it still as genuine ? "
even if it is,
it cant be compared to the one we shared just a month ago.

i didnt know how i could handle insignificant and trivial love issues so well.
but i doubt i can do it so well now.
*sighs*
i used to be someone so soft.
and goodness gracious,
i'm even worse now.
i'm sensitive.
i think too much.
but it isnt a bad thing to think slightly more than others.
i hope i'm compassionate enough.
could someone just understand me ?
could someone just kindly put himself in my shoes ?

she said she wanna exchanged roles.
well,
it meant so much to me.
it was as good as saying that i dont understand her.
indeed,
there was this needle that pierced through my heart.
and so,
i realised how fragile my heart was.
and i truly understand the feeling of being pierced.
baby...
i understand.
i really do.
i dont wanna see our love crumble.
i dont wanna see it fade.
cause...
if it does...
THAT'S IT MAN.

sometimes,
i dont know how to put my thoughts and feelings into words.
i dont know how to have you in my world.
cause there's this guilt that stop me from doing so...

what am i gonna do my dearest ?
i dont know.
i would really wish to know...
but how can i ?

*sighs*
i need answers to my puzzling questions,
to clear my inquisitive mind.

I LOVE YOU.

screams i dont like to dream.

2006-06-11T17:27:00.000+08:00

I MISS MY SUGAR-BABY !!!

[my wishlist]

- i wanna dance with you.
- i wanna stay with you.
- i wanna go AUSTRALIA with you.
- in fact, i wanna travel around the globe with YOU.
- i wanna STICK TO YOU.
- i wanna indulge in YOU.
- i want time to stop at the very moment when our lips touch in passion.
- i wanna LOVE YOU and BE LOVED. ( by you, of course )

*winks*

you're mine, once again.

2006-06-10T12:35:00.000+08:00

[ my candy-coated baby ]

i'm so glad things turn out the same again.
just that i wanted it to.
things are goin on smoothly so far,
i hope u do feel the same way as i do.
like i said,
"i wasnt the one who was hurt SO SO deeply,
so i might somehow neglect how you really feel. "
if things arent comfortable for you then you'll have to tell me.
cause i wanna make things right.
i wanna make you feel loved and comfortable.

you might not be able to give me your 100% trust.
but i hope it isnt too lil either.

hahaha.
but no worries baby...
i'll let you trust me k.
i'll be your trustworthy gf.
i'll be your reliable gf.
ONCE AGAIN.

the past 2 days with you were so great.
both days were PERFECT !
they were flawless.
haha.
i feel as though it's so long so long since i was together with you.
know what ?
you made me feel so at ease whenever im with you.
i felt as though im being taken care of.
everywhere i go.
as long as you're there...
i feel SO DAMN BLOODY GOOD !
( oops... i'm goin out of hand again )
haha.

baby...
tell me that you need me just like before.
tell me that you love me just like there's no tomorrow.
likewise,
i love you.
i love you so much.
i love you endlessly.

and i wanna spend my life with you.

I LOVE YOU.

where are you baby ?
i miss you...

Do i only mean that much ???

2006-06-06T20:06:00.000+08:00

[ my sugar-fied buttercup ]

why aint i able to concentrate on my studies now ?
why aint i able to stop thinking of you ?
why aint i able to get the drive to get prepared for exams ?
why aint i doing anything for my exams ?
*sighs*
i dont know what's going on...
i need answers to calm my desperate mind.
i need attention in order for me to get rid of all the wild thoughts runnin' through my mind.
i need love from you in order for me to carry on with life.

sometimes,
i feel that i'm just too selfish.
so selfish that i dont deserve your love.
you must be so afraid of me now.
cause you wont know when will i start to change again.
no matter how i try to assure you,
there'll be a barrier between us.
you've learnt to be defensive.
there's this gigantic enclosure that protects your heart.
i cant seem to reach out to your heart.
suddenly,
i feel as though i'm a soccer ball.
i'm trying so hard to get myself into the goalpost,
but somehow,
i'm stopped by you.
stopped by your vigilance.
now,
i finally realised you weigh so much so much in my heart.
and i mean SO MUCH.
it's overpowering.
it's overwhelming.
it's majestic.
it's electrifying.
no words can describe how much you mean to me.

all i ask for is your trust.
you can stop loving me if you want.
if you feel that it's heartbreaking to love me,
you can choose not to.
but...
i need your trust.
that's the minimum.
i dared not ask for you to love me.
i was the one at fault.
wont i be too thick-skinned to ask for your love ?
how badly i need you.
how badly i love you.
i wont ask for much anymore.
you dont have to do so much for me anymore.
in the first place,
i was the one who hurt you.
so now...
i'll just have to accept my punishment.

MY LESSON LEARNT : NEVER TO HURT SOMEONE YOU LOVE.

once you let go,
there's no turning back.

i'm too late.

baby...
you mean so much to me.
no one can ever replace YOU in me.
you're irreplaceable.
you're exceptional.
the exceptional one that will stay within me.

i'm willing to do anything to ask for your forgiveness.

i mean it.
i really do.

i saw you surrender.
i could feel you giving up.

i love you.

i'll mend your broken heart.

2006-06-04T12:32:00.000+08:00

"Never look back," we said
how was I to know I'd miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead,emptiness behind
Where do I go?
And you didn't hear
all my joy through my tears
all my hopes through my fears
did you know, still I miss you somehow?

From the bottom of my broken heart
there's just a thing or two I'd like you to know
you were my first love,
you were my true love
from the first kisses to the very last rose
from the bottom of my broken heart
even through time may find me somebody new
you were my real love
I never knew love

'til there was you
from the bottom of my broken heart
"Baby," I said,"please stay.
Give our love a chance for one more day."
we could have worked things out
taking time is what love's all about
But you put a dart
through my dreams
through my heart
and I'm back where I started again
never thought it would end

i'll gain ur trust.

2006-06-04T12:04:00.000+08:00

baby...

would you come back to me ?
would you say that you love me once again ?
though it isn't difficult for you to say these three words,
somehow i can feel that it isnt from the bottom of your heart.
you dared not express your love,
you dared not trust me once more.
i'm feeling so empty.
so empty that i dont know what to do with myself.
i dont know how should i pass my time meaningfully.
and suddenly,
i dont know what's the meaning of meaningful.
but i do know what's the meaning of sincerity.
cause without it,
you wont return to me.
you wont appear in my life.
needless to say,
you gave me an answer to what's love.
no matter how deeply i hurt you,
you continued to stand by me,
without fail.

sometimes i'd think if disappearing would help recover your wound,
but then again,
i dont bear to disappear.
cause i love you.
i can live each day without anyone else,
BUT JUST NOT YOU.
i cant live each day without thinking about you.
i cant live each day without realising how much more you mean to me now.
i cant live each day without regretting and feeling uneasy.
cause i know that even though you said you love me,
it isnt as genuine anymore.

having trials and obstacles in our love journey can help strengthen it.
but i guess it wont work for us now.
how much i want our love to sparkle.
how much i want our love to rekindle.
how much i want our love to be as passionate as before.

i dont know if you'll still accept me,
but i'll be changing for you.
give me time baby...
i'll give you my heart and soul.
i'll give you all the security you need.
i'll give you all the assurance you asked for.
i'll give you my love.

come back to me alright ?

you know how much i love you.

UNFAITHFUL ME.

2006-06-03T17:49:00.000+08:00

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company

She's more than a woman
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to her I just can't be true

And I know that she knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills her inside
To know that I am happy with some other girls
I can see her dyin'

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see her die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt her anymore
I don't wanna take away her life
I don't wanna be.... a murderer

[ an extract from Rihanna's Unfaithful ]

i guess this song suits me the best now.
i feel as though i'm an evilish murderer.
i didnt care about her feelings when i was unfaithful.
and it was just like a stab into her fragile heart.
now that i'm regretting,
she doesnt wanna forgive me.
it aches my heart so much.
i wanna hold her tight,
and tell her how much she means to me.
she means everything to me.
i lost her.
but i want her back in my life once more.
i'm greedy.
but now,
i wanna learn to live just with one.
and i'm doin it now.
i aint a greedy bitch.
i dont wanna hurt her.
though i've already done so,
i hope she'll forgive me.
WILLINGLY.
nothing is important to me now.
except for HER.
she's my everything.

baby...

I SWEAR I'M NOT GONNA BE UNFAITHFUL.

i cant help but to want you back.

cause i really do love you.

AND I WANNA GET BACK WITH YOU.

ONLY YOU COMPLETE ME.

ONLY YOU CAN GIVE ME HAPPINESS.

ONLY YOU CAN MAKE ME ALIVE ONCE MORE.

i love you.

i want her to be my baby.

2006-06-03T17:03:00.000+08:00

YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING.

WHAT'S LEFT OF ME

2006-05-21T14:35:00.000+08:00

Watched my life pass me by,
in the rearview mirror.
Pictures frozen in time,
are becoming clearer.
I don't wanna waste another day,
stuck in the shadow of my mistakes.

Cause I want you,
and I feel you,
crawling underneath my skin.
Like a hunger,
like a burnin, to find a place,
I've never been.
Now I'm broken,
and I'm faded.
I'm half the man,
I thought I would be.
But you can have,
what's left of me.

I've been dying inside, little by little.
Nowhere to go.
I'm goin outta my mind.
An endless circle,
runnin from myself until,
You gave me a reason for standing still.

Fallin' faster,
barely breathing...
Give me somethin to believe in,
Tell me it's not all in my head.
Take what's left of this man,
Make me whole once again.

my heart ruptured. my life crumbled.

2006-05-21T13:57:00.000+08:00

I MISS YOU BADLY.
these few days u've stayed with me.
And it's consecutive 2 nights !!!
2 damn nights !
cudnt imagine myself sleeping beside you.
The feeling was heavenly !
Haha.
Being able to feel you before i sleep,
is what i've always wanted.
It's a very very rare chance.
Once again,
you sacrificed your time.

It's been long since i last blogged.
and things have been changing.
No improvements at all.
I wasnt hoping for any though.
But just hope that life wud be much much easier than before.

However,
it seems like i cannot ask for more.
Situations are beyond my control.
I treasure everyone around me.
But i've to learn to let go somehow or other.
It's painful baby.
It really is.
I hate to learn how to be strong.

IT SUCKS !

Do i really have to be strong ?
I tried my best to keep my friends by my side.
But i cant.
I failed to do so.
Those that i wanted to stay with me,
chose to leave.
While those that i wanted to leave,
chose to stay.
I'm not proud to say this,
but i really regret not cherishing them.
Well, at least i tried.
Friends come and go,
but there're some whom became a part of my life.

Still,
i've to let go.
I'm still not used to my life now.
Besides baby,
there's nothing that can make me smile.
And i mean a genuine and honest one.
It feels like i'm wearing a mask now.
A mask that covers my flaws.
A mask that prevents me from showing who i really am.
Shudnt i be stronger after so long ?
Baby has taught me how to.
But things just doesnt proceed from where i ended.

Till now,
i'm still stucked at the starting point.
I cant move.
I cant proceed.
I cant continue.
I cant,whatever it is.
I JUST CANT !

I detest the pressure i get from them.
I detest the thought that reminds me how much they disapprove of ME.

I hate controls.
I hate unhappiness.
I hate losing.
I hate treasuring.
'cause whenever i treasure,
it defeats the purpose.
It really does.
It's not easy to let go.
Just like that.
Humans are selfish creatures.
So am i.
If they wudnt give me space to breathe,
why shud i bother treasuring them ?
I guess they're in misery.
So am i.
But who knows if they really missed me ?
I miss them.
I really do.
But no one else knows.
It's like a dirty secret.
I dare not let anyone else know,
except for baby.

She's someone so understanding.
It makes me guilty if i were to let her down.
She gives me faith.
She gives me light whenever it's dark.
Though it's still dark now,
i'm not disheartened.
'cause i know she's always beside me.
I feel loved.

recently,
she cried over me.
but what's the point ???
i cried for her as well.
i did so much for her as well.
but why doesnt she understand how i feel ?
there's nothing i'm wishing for now.
all i wish,
all i ask for,
all i want,
is them to grant me my wish.
to be who i am.

is it really that difficult ?
i'm trying very hard to clear things up.
all the unhappiness has brought our friendship to an end.
i'm praying.
i'm salvaging.
but she still cant accept ME.

sometimes,
i really envy others.
they can receive the approval from their friends.
but why not me ?

WHY ???

this surely is a qns that's been recurring.
AGAIN AND AGAIN.

when will everything come to a halt ?
when will everything start to progress ?

things are just getting out of hand.
and seriously,
i'm facing a deprivation.

and i'm in denial.

that's how unfair life is.

unpromising life.

GOD DAMN IT.

i saw my life crumbled...

I'M NOT HAPPY.

2006-05-14T23:34:00.000+08:00

i'm petrified.

i'm seriously lost !!!

*sobs*

*weeps*

*sniffs*

i cannot be any happier.

=(

so sick of weekends.

2006-05-06T21:37:00.000+08:00

i cant stop thinking of her,

i cant stop missing her,

i cant stop dreaming that i can meet her.

the feeling is so so not good.

i cant lose my baby.

she's the only one that can complete me.

my heart, my soul, and my life.

she's way too important to me.

i hold her dear to my heart,

or rather,

she's locked in my heart.

never will i wanna lose her.

she's someone so perfect for me,

that i dont need anybody else to be with me.

as long as she's there,

i'm happy.

and i mean REALLY HAPPY.

u can call it ecstatic.

whenever i'm with her,

i feel so at ease,

so secured,

so untroubled,

so energized.

everywhere is like paradise with her around.

sometimes,

i wish that 'wishful thinking' didnt exist.

then i wont have to dream.

'cause every wish of mine would come true.

when i'm with her,

i simply cant get my eyes off her.

there're so much for me to observe.

it's really fortunate for me to have her.

god granted my wish.

he knows that i was very much in love,

the moment i saw her.

she's so charming.

so charming that i was ignorant about what was goin on around me.

though things changed,

i continued to hang on.

knowing that one day,

i'll be accepted.

by 'her', as well as the others.

and finally,

i got her acceptance.

but not the others.

well,

i didnt give a darn shit about'em.

'cause from then,

my life changed.

i realised how much she means to me.

and i was only concern about her.

she makes me feel so blessed whenever i see her.

she makes me feel so loved whenever she gives me surprises.

she makes me feel so treasured whenever she embraces me and holds me tight in her arms.

she makes me feel so fortunate whenever she always think about my well-being.

she's the only one that has taught me the different facts of life.

though i already knew some of 'em,

it was her who taught me how to LEARN them.

well,

and she taught me what actions really were.

on top of that,

she showed ACTIONS to me.

and she really did it well.

i've got no regrets loving her.

and will never stop loving her as far as i am concerned.

and i'm happy to say that she's my first priority,

other than my family.

and i promise her that i'll love her and take good care of her.

as much as possible.

and that 'her' is YOU.

she's my baby,

the one and only baby in my life.

ELVINA GOH IS MY LOVED ONE.

AND I'M WILLING TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING WITH HER.

I LOVE YOU BABY.

=D

BEAUTIFUL =D

2006-05-01T13:19:00.000+08:00

[ IT'S SIMPLE. UNDENIABLE ATTRACTION !!! ]

[ SOOOOO IN HEAVEN !!! ]

[ YOU SAID I LOOKED LIKE A MONKEY. WELL, I THOUGHT I'M UR 'SISTER' ? *laughs* ]

[ THAT'S HOW BADLY I WANNA KISS U, JUST SHUT UR MOUTH. ]

[ I NEED YOUR ATTENTION. *WHINES* ]

[ YOU'RE MY PILLAR, AND IT'S ONLY MINE ]

how i wish miracles could happen.

2006-04-20T00:35:00.000+08:00

[ you're my one and only ] [ i mean it ] [ nothing can stop me from loving you ]

my precious one :

i'm embarrassed. i'm shameless.
i dont know how to face you after all the sins that i've done.
i feel so different from the past few days.
i feel as though i own u something and it's just bugging me all the time.
i wanna convey it to you.
but just dont know how should i put it till it's pleasing to the ears.
it's hard to say them out.
i need courage. i'm just not as courageous to convey them to u.
there's no way i'm gonna hide it from you, cause i want to stay with u.
i want to go through everything with u.
i want to be ur gf.
i aint gonna be a flirtatious one.
i only wanna be a devoted and compassionate gf.
could u give me another chance ?
now, when i look into ur eyes, all i could see is pain from within you.
thats a truth u cant deny.
deep down inside me, i'm not feeling at ease.
i know there're wild thoughts running through ur mind.
after this incident, i guess u wont be secured anymore.
even if i dont flirt, i think u wont trust me anymore right.
to be truthful to you, i really dont have feelings for anyone else except you.
trust me once more k ?
i know it's difficult.
i know it's misleading.
i know u're very lost as well.
so am i. cause i dont want to see u feeling hurt.
u've been thru so much pain because of me.
and i just realise how useless and worthless i am.
i do love you.
and i really do.
baby, u're not small in my heart.
my whole heart belongs to u now.
i've learnt my lesson. i really did.
i wont want to flirt anymore. i dont need love and attention from others anymore.
i want everything from u.
i want all ur attention and concern.
i need all ur love and warmth.
i put myself in your shoes.
and guess what ?
if i were you, most probably i wont have the courage to pull myself up.
darling, u're indeed very brave.
so now let me tell u this, those shameful msges that i sent him are gonna be history.
never will i repeat this again.
i'm so ashamed.
BUT everything that i tell u, from the start till now, they're all true.
finally, i realised u meant so much to me.
i realised ur importance and u weigh so much in my heart that it hurts me to see u in this state. u were in this state because of me.
and i'll do as much as u're doin for me.
and if possible, i'll do the best that i can to lift u up.
i'll lift u up from this hole and stitch ur wound back securely, and it's with sincerity.
i know that there'll be a scar being left behind.
i know that there'll be unhappy memories...
and terrifying nightmares.
i'm sorry my precious baby.

i really regretted what i've done.
and i'm willing to repent.
i wanna stay with you still.

dont worry about my mummy k.
she's fine for now. we'll settle one thing at a time.
i dont wanna see u wear out in no time.

and i dont mind u biting me. i wish u could bite another few.
no matter how much u hurt me, it cannot be compared to the hurt i left in you.
i'm sorry for the scar cause it made the image of ur heart ugly.
it's no longer the beautiful one.
but... i'll do my best to make up the wrongs that i've done.
i would wish to see a gorgeous heart in time to come.

i love you baby.

and i really do.

this i promise you.

just so bothered about things.

2006-03-26T22:26:00.000+08:00

baby... these are the teeny weeny problems and thoughts that i've been accumulating inside me. they're all left unsaid. probably i've sound them to you, but just that it's not so specific. my thoughts are still in a mess. so even if i were to tell you, they're all scattered pieces of my thoughts. i, myself, do not know the complete story o my life. but since i'm free now... i'm gonna share it with you. since no one knows about my blog... i can say it here. haha. i wanted to log into our blog... but i just cudnt get myself in. haha. it's either i remembered the wrong password or it's the wrong username. whatever it is, i cant stand it anymore !!! i dont like to bottle things inside me. i'm gonna pour it all out to u. bear with me k baby ??? U SHUDNT MIND IT AT ALL ANYWAY !!! hahaha. how shud i start the ball rollin' ???

let's make it this way... i feel that i'm taken for granted. besides that... i feel that i'm taking my life for granted as well. and i also feel that i'm not treasuring my life at all.

[ 1st thought ]

___ do u believe in me ??? i often ask myself this qns. so much so that i'm losing count of it. why did i suddenly turn 'crooked' ? is it just for the thrill and fun ? or is it that i truly love you ? i tell myself some things. for e.g... i love you, and i'm willing to do anything for you. but the problem is... i'm still young. i cant really show my love in many ways. u've been doin alot. maybe it's not alot to you... but i wasnt expecting alot from u cause u know that i'm str8. and just in case u might get hurt... i thought u will protect urself in one way or another and will not do so much for me. the attention u gave me is unlimited. i cant expect any more than what i'm gaining now. probably it's only for the time being, or probably it'll last longer than i expect. whatever it is... my feelings has changed. it has changed so much... at first, it was neutral. and then it just got deeper and deeper. i can hardly even control it. hee. I LOVE YOU BABY !

[ 2nd thought ]

___ it's definitely about my friends. hmmm. am i taken for granted ? or did i take them for granted ? did i do anything wrong ? firstly... when i was together with you, they cudnt accept it. but now that they CLAIMED that they cud accept it, they dont act as though they do. how come they're always putting up a fake front ? so artificial. i hate it. stella used to say that i neglect her. but now... surprisingly, it's the other way round. why ??? i just cant seem to understand what exactly she's thinking. apparently, she's still avoiding. it's just so obvious can !!! *sigh* remember the day we saw her at the coffeeshop ? i was really happy. but then again... my mood swing to the extreme end when i saw her msg the very next morning, saying that she wasnt really happy. so what does it mean ??? seeing me will not make her happy at all ? or is it she still cant accept the fact ? or is it that the gap is too wide that we cant even forget the past trials we had with each other ??? why is it so unfair ? hai. nothing seems to be going my way. this is just another brain-teaser... challenging indeed.

[ 3rd thought ]

___ guess what's it gonna be ? -bleah- it's MY POR POR !!! *sighing big-time* her condition doesnt seem to be improving at all. she used to be active and cheery... but now... it's the opposite. it's obvious por cant accept the fact that she's ill. she cant accept the fact that she's reliant on others now. after the 2nd operation, everyone thought that her condition and mood will improved. sad to say, it's not. NOT AT ALL !!! for the past few days that i've been going down to TTSH, i've been feeling down and stressed up after the visit. i want her to be happy. but she just cant seem to smile like she used to. there's this big big big hole carved in her heart. so big that she cant seem to adapt to her current lifestyle. i'm really feeling so sad about this. there was this occasion that i went with her for her physiotherapy session. the nurse asked her to look into the mirror to comb her hair. and her reaction was negative. she was afraid to face reality and wasnt willing to accept her appearance now. hmmm. at that moment, i felt like crying. she's vain and pretty. but it seems that she cant be anymore even though she's my pretty grandma forever. in her eyes, she cant be pretty anymore. no matter how we encouraged her, it just dont work. i want por por to recover soon. i dont mind looking after her so long as she's determined. I MISS HER SMILE. I MISS HER LAUGHTER. I MISS HER NAGGING. I MISS HER COOKING. I MISS HER EVERYTHING. * god bless *

i shall end here... continue with my thoughts another day.

meanwhile...
baby, do take gd care of urself cause i know i cant do a gd job.
u make me realised how important life is. you always say that i'm dumb.
hmmm. i'll try not to be. or rather, i'll learn not to be.
i'm sorry for all the wrongs that i've done.

ONCE AGAIN, I LOVE YOU !

-no qualms about it- trust me - muacks -

* god bless ya too *

=)

Feeling GREEEEN !!! ( newbie )

2006-03-21T14:21:00.000+08:00

hey ! What's SOOOOO nice about blogging ??? hmmm. dont know what went wrong today. i'm just not myself. or rather, not feeling my usual. didnt want to wake up to go for my X-RAY... didnt want to get out of bed... stomach was uncomfortable... but the " business " wasnt successful !!! hmmm. baby is beside me now. she doesnt seem to be feeling good either. HOR ???!!! looking out of the window now, hmmm, dark clouds overwhelming the sky. hmmm. what more can we expect ? supposed to go sentosa today, but it was cancelled 'cause i had the medical appointment. and here i am blogging away. SORRY !!! but FORTUNATELY, the weather is bad. hehh hehh. so it wont be a waste to stay at home. it's been long since i last stayed at home. ever since my holidays started... i've not been staying at home. needless to say, i seldom get the opportunity to slack. for the past 2 weeks or so, baby has been staying over ( on and off ). her parents are quite upset with her behaviour. guess i'm way tooooo selfish yea ? shudnt let her stay too often. the same happened last night. she was supposed to go home EARLIER, but ended up staying over at my place. dont know why she just dread goin back home. i hope everything is fine for her. there's some contradiction here. i wud really like to see her staying at home. on the other hand, i want her to be by my side. that's pretty "unhealthy". i've tried not to stick to her... sad to say... I JUST CANT DO IT ! haha.

have to visit por por at hospital later. we've already been visiting her for a month. but her recovery is stagnant. not as speedy as we wish it could be. mummy and daddy are also drowning in their work, and also having to make extra trips here and there. lots of commitment i guess. as for me... i'll just put my attention on my baby... family and friends. there's nothing more iwish for as long as i can be with'em.

[ elvi-baby ]
u're always doing so much for me. i have alot to say. but probably not now. i'll say it bit by bit. hee. cause i'm afraid u wont be able to take it all at one shot. haha. anyway, they're nothing bad. the things that i wanna say are SWEET to the ear. haha. just hope u wont be flying after hearing'em ahhhh. haha. since we're declared bankrupt now, we shall scrimp k ? no more luxury. no more cabs. no more fast food. no more restaurants. no more shopping. no more SPENDING. hmmm. LAST WARNING : PAY UR HP BILL SOON ! hee. cause i dont wanna look high and low for u. haha.

LOVIN' YOU ALWAYS ! -muacks-